"I know there may not be complete clarity, but if your heart is willing and you want God's glory, and you give him these pieces of your life, something will happen. He waits for us."
-Jennie Allen
I got a new 5-year journal for Christmas this year and sat down soon after 2019 began to write some thoughts and set some intentions. One of the first sections in the journal is a place to record some goals. At the time, I could only think of one goal - start a Restless study at my house. God has been doing a number of things on my heart the past few years and it's no secret he's used IF:Gathering to spur me on in knowing him more. And I'm confident one of the most influential things I did shortly after that first IF was buy a copy of Jennie Allen's book, Restless. Jennie wrote the book shortly after she was in a stage similar to the one I was in at the time - a young mom of littles, struggling with a sense of restlessness that something just didn't feel right in her life. Through a process known as "threads," she spent a short season taking a deep look at the parts of her life that make her her, and to begin to see the ways God might want her to use those areas for his glory. Through exploring our gifts, the people around us, the places we do life, the passions that make us feel alive, and the hard lows that broke our hearts, we can better understand the unique people we are and the unique ways God might be wanting us to live a little more on purpose in this world of ours. He has a great big plan and we are invited to be part of it, if we take the time to understand what role we are designed to play. This process encouraged me to take some small steps that led to some new doors opened, but most importantly, it took me from a feeling of restlessness to a feeling of living on mission for something so much bigger than myself.
So after a three-year season of learning obedience and seeing some fruit, I felt confidently convicted it was time to share it with others. Fortunately, my girl Katie offered to help and we put out a sign-up sheet after this year's IF:Gathering. My hope was to grab the women who left IF feeling a lot like I did that first time - nudged by the Holy Spirit but unsure what to do about it.
We had eleven women join us in my basement for our first Restless night. Eleven unique women all showed up ready to take a leap of faith and learn about God, about each other, and about our threads. We had some mamas of college students, of teenagers, and of toddlers, and a couple younger beauties that we quickly adopted as much cooler sisters, and we grew incredibly close after just two hours. That's what happens when you put a room of women together who all just want to know Jesus more. He moves.
I am not going to share much from our precious time together, but I know with every fiber in me that God moved in tender and powerful ways in our eight weeks together. Women took some steps out in faith - one friend is planning to start an IF study at her workplace, and another contacted someone about serving at a local organization she feels connected to. But even more importantly, God broke down walls, tied up threads, and built up souls through the simplest of ways. Women were prayed for, encouraged, taken care of, and pushed out of our comfort zones. Bibles were opened, a lot of popcorn was eaten, stories were shared, and laughter echoed through these walls every week. Oh and we cried, too. It's what we do.
And oh did I ever learn. I learned that surrender to God doesn't have to be this big holy moment with arms outstretched and a plane ticket to Africa, but maybe it also exists in the small. It's keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus every day, simply making steps and decisions that would honor and glorify him. And that one big life of surrendering in the little things adds up to a whole life of a lot of God. I learned that while it's important to learn about oneself and the unique things God has equipped us with, we can't get so caught up in our own purpose that we fail to act on the needs right in front of us. And I was reminded that this is all God's story, not ours. We should marvel everyday at how big He is and how truly small we are. There's something so freeing about that.
And who else learned from this eight-week endeavor? I will never forget this one night we were all sitting in the basement, eating popcorn with blankets on our laps, laughing loudly, Bibles open, and Joseph's story charted on the wall, when I noticed Mila was sitting on the steps quietly watching us. Later that night, after everyone went home, I tiptoed in her room to kiss her goodnight and found a journal, a gel pen, and her children's Bible opened beside her. Just like mom. While on the outside, it may have looked like the only thing the kids were getting out of this study was the popcorn and treats Katie would bring over, I know there was a lot more sinking in those steady little minds of theirs. They're paying attention, not just in the time we give to them directly, but in the ways we live our lives when we don't think they're noticing. And as they grow, I hope they see these practices as common as doing their homework or participating in a sport. If God's greatest command for us is to live as disciples, I guess it's up to me to give them a picture of what that might look like.
We ended our study with margaritas and tacos, each going around the room to share the things that make us "shrink back" from living confidently in our purpose. And then, in typically creative Katie fashion, we wrote those things on notecards and took turns tearing them up and throwing them in the middle of the room. We called out what we were moving away from, and replaced it with what we were moving towards. The prayers that were shared in this space were powerful and words like confidence, joy, obedience, qualified, and freedom became our armor. I feel like we all flew a little lighter off Katie's porch that night, ready to show God in our world with a few new sisters at our side.
