Well, we're getting close. We went to the doctor today and got to see our little boy via 'baby skype.' He looked like a little buddha baby, all squashed and pouty-faced. His cheeks looked so chubby, they were almost resting on his chest! This was my fourth ultrasound and it's been so funny to track how much more space babies take up as they get bigger. Today, I thought Baby J seemed so much bigger than four weeks ago; his foot today was the size of his entire body at 20 weeks. He looks healthy and his stats were good. Beau and I left the cozy little ultrasound room for the last time relieved and more than ready to meet our little man.
I know I keep saying it, but this whole pregnancy thing is so surreal. I’ve carried this little peanut inside of me for 41 long weeks and for the most part, pregnancy has been magical. I’ve walked (and now waddled) with this newly defined purpose for my life and most of the time, I’ve felt like I was floating. I completely understood and relished in the pregnancy ‘glow.’ I soaked my baby bump in the heat of summer, waded in kiddie pools, and dressed in clothes that accentuated my newest and greatest feature.
All along, I knew this baby was going to eventually come out. And just like that, I would be a mom. Today, however, as I scour the internet attempting to find out what a contraction feels like, it’s begun to sink in that in a matter of hours or days, I will get to experience giving birth. The thought alone makes my mind go a little numb.
I remember feeling this way before getting married too. We planned and planned this day I’d been thinking and dreaming about for so long, and days before, the true reality of what you are about to do sinks it. It’s exciting and scary, magical and a bit incomprehensible.
This weekend has been just what I needed. Feeling a little sorry for myself yesterday morning, my husband decided he would forgo his day of football in order to relieve my impatient mind of another day of aimlessly cleaning, blogging, or worst of all, thinking too much. Since my hopes of making it to the Mississippi River are slowly vanishing for the season, we created our own little day of exploration. We drove with the windows down, munched on Jonagold apples from an orchard by Denver, hiked through Hartman Reserve (which is absolutely gorgeous this time of year), and stopped at every little park we could find to scope out the playground facilities. We found places in Cedar Falls we never knew existed. We stopped for burgers at Toads, took pictures of pretty trees, and I finally persuaded Beau to start The Hunger Games Trilogy. Did I mention he's somewhat of a reading prodigy? He started reading at about 6:00 and by midnight, he was almost finished with the 350 pager. I am on page 80 of the sequel; however, stopped to watch Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters. I love, and hate, how fast he reads.
The hours are ticking away and pretty soon, I will get to see, touch, and kiss the cheek of this little boy that's changed our lives. I'm a little scared, but so excited I can hardly stand it.
My cup runneth over.
Baby J,
Well, it's official. Here we sit just one day before your due date, aka, supposed-to-be-birthday. October 5. A day that's been circled on our calendar and etched in our minds for forty long weeks. Will you actually be born on your due date, well, that is up for debate. According to statistics, only 5% of babies actually arrive on their due date. Not too promising, especially for a woman who just returned from the doctor's office with not a whole lot to report. If you hold out for another week, we get a skype date on Monday and a likely induction to follow. The good news? My doctor, who I love, will probably deliver you if you go that long. The bad news? Another week without you here. Another week of waiting.
Since I've never done this whole pregnancy/labor/delivery thing, I'm feeling a little perplexed today. I'm a studier. I like to be as prepared as possible for the unexpected, whether it be teaching in the classroom, packing a suitcase, or going to a foreign place. This whole pregnancy thing is about as foreign as it gets, yet, I feel as underprepared as I can possibly feel. I'm learning that although it is nice to have the floor mopped, the pantry stocked, and clothes put away before I go into labor, none of that really matters in the end. What matters is a healthy baby, a healthy momma, and a strong epidural ;).
I know I’ve been saying it throughout my pregnancy, but yesterday was surreal. It was just one of those days. It was the weekend before my due date. The past few weekends have been special, as they’ve been spent at home for fear of traveling too far from the hospital. I’ve had lots of time to prepare, to reflect, and most importantly, to cherish these final little moments of your dad and I. Although we are both more than ready to welcome you into our lives, I know in the end, the last few weeks of waiting have been time I will look back on and be thankful for.
Yesterday was beautiful outside. It was cool in the morning, but gradually reached a temperature perfect for breathing in the fresh air of fall. Mom, Dad, and Taylor stopped by in the afternoon and after the boys went to Lowes, Mom and I sat outside together. I laid in the grass and we watched my tummy shift from side to side, took some belly pictures, and dreamed about a little boy, dressed in blue, wrapped in cozy knits, lying on a blanket beside us. We talked about so much, but mainly, we soaked in the sun and soaked in the utter disbelief of a new baby about to join our family.
Later, after they went home, after I sat in my recliner to watch my routine Sunday night TV, I stopped and thought about how completely ‘un-routine’ my life is right now. I thought about the afternoon, about my talk with Mom, and my simple moment outside watching you squirm and nudge from side to side. I’ve had so many emotions throughout this pregnancy and last night was a freight train of them. I felt a little sadness, that soon, I won’t feel your feet push against my tummy. A little fear, wondering if I am strong enough and mature enough to be a mom. Worry, that I have no idea what I’m getting myself into, with labor, delivery, and all that is to come after. Nostalgia, of days spent lying in the grass, talking with mom about simple things like shopping, and homework, and Barbies, and boyfriends. And finally, amazement, of where this life of mine has led and what is soon to come.
So...all I can do now is trust. Trust that although we are impatient, a little disappointed, and slightly worried, you will come when the time is right. Trust that I have a doctor who knows what is best, even if I don't. Trust that my superwoman strength will surpass my emotional tendencies. Trust that God will mold my feet into the shoes of motherhood with grace and ease.
Happy October. Happy birth month, Baby J. I have always loved this month for so many reasons. I love the weather, the colorful leaves, the soft hoodies and comfy socks, the smells and tastes of comfort food, and the feeling of 'home.' This year, October will take on a whole new meaning for us. Soon, we get to meet you. Soon, we get to bring you home. Soon, I get to touch that little foot that's been playing hard-to-get for weeks now. And soon, we get to make you a part of our lives. Forever.
Soon, little pumpkin.
P.S. I keep saying that this is the last belly shot I will be taking.
How far along? 37 Weeks
Total Weight Gain? We are up 27 pounds total; however, I am down a pound from last week. It must be the clothes I was wearing!
Maternity Clothes? Yes. I’m managing to get by on summer dresses and my white, Gap city shorts. I’ve never broken the ‘white after Labor Day’ rule until now, and I guess at this point, I’m calling it an exception. God bless Judy, my teacher friend, who brought me a black cotton skirt yesterday. I might just make it to October!
Sleep? I’ve been sleeping like a rock lately. I still move from side to side on and off all night; however, it usually takes about 2.5 seconds to fall back asleep. Ironically, daddy-to-be hasn’t been sleeping the best; however, I think he requires less sleep than me. If only men could breast feed…
Symptoms? New symptoms have been appearing almost every day and quite frankly, none of them have been glamorous. My feet continue to swell throughout the school day and by the time I get home, I can hardly bend my toes. The swelling has settled in my calf muscles, too, which makes walking a little unsettling. My stomach has been so itchy and the other day I noticed my first set of stretch marks (tear). Baby J has been moving a lot and his movements are slower and stronger. He’s running out of room and trying to stretch out his stay (literally).
Cravings? Not much of an appetite the last week or so. My stomach doesn’t have a whole lot of room to grow, so my meals are small, but occur more often.
Best Moment This Week? I had a wonderful baby shower last weekend at Jordan and Kelli’s, and today, Beau and I got to ‘skype’ with our little one! He wasn’t much for company though. We watched him yawn a lot and take what looked like a pretty great nap. He’s definitely growing and all signs show he’s on track to be out of the ute in a matter of a couple of weeks!
Least Favorite Moment This Week? Sub plans, sub plans, sub plans! I stayed at school for three hours today attempting to put together a plan for my long term sub. It took me one hour to describe a ten minute, daily routine. I think I need to come up with a different system…
What I Look Forward To? Having a weekend at home. I’m thinking a Sam’s Club trip, some couch time, and a date night. My goal is to take it easy from here on out.
Milestones? It looks like Baby J dropped this week. He’s slowly but surely getting closer to take-off!
