Back at it...

Today, I became a working Mom.  I got up early, tried not to get spit-up on my dress clothes as I fed Cruz a bottle, and snuck in a few books in the middle of doing my hair and brushing my teeth.  I was relieved to leave Cruz in the capable hands of his Grandma Kelly for the day; however, still felt an achy feeling in the pit of my stomach as I drove away from my house this morning. 

Tonight, I am tired, a little groggy, and slightly overwhelmed feeling like the 'new kid' at school again.  But, we made it through day one.



And we're rolling with the punches...

"Whoa, Mom, this standards-based grading system is a little confusing..."

I think we're gonna make it...

:)

My Newsboy

On Friday, Cruz had his three-month photo shoot.  Instead of Darcy, owner of At Play Photo, coming to our house, my mom and I bundled our little bear up and drove a few blocks to her in-home studio.  We had so much fun and Cruz was a trooper.  He's used to the camera! 

When it comes to taking pictures, Darcy is as persistent as I am!  We did lots of sweet talking to Baby Cruz, waited patiently while he had a bottle, and even barreled through a cat nap in order to get some fun shots of Cruz at three months.  I loved her creative, inventive ideas, and especially got into all her cute hats.  After about a three hour shoot, Cruz was wore out and so were we!  It was worth every minute, especially after I saw the sneak peek Darcy posted on her blog later that afternoon.  He sure is a handsome little devil!  I can't wait to see the rest! 

Redefining What's 'Normal'

Well, this is it.  My last official day of maternity leave.  My last day before heading back to work.  Tomorrow morning, my alarm will sound at 5:30 am, reminding me that my mornings of sweat pants and rocking Cruz while Hoda and Kathie Lee plays in the background are over.  Well, at least until Spring Break ;).

I have been so blessed to have been able to stay home with Cruz for 13 weeks.  So blessed to have a supportive husband that knew his control-freak wife needed some much needed downtime to find some control in this new role.  Life has been so good lately that it's hard to imagine it changing.  I am so thankful that my mom and grandma are going to help 'transition' me into daycare this week by coming to stay with Cruz.  I really can't imagine dropping him off at daycare quite yet.  Right now, I'm taking baby steps, and getting myself to work on time is step one. 

At church this morning, Dave Bartlett began a sermon series called 'Redefining Normal.'  It focuses primarily on how to love our families and build homes that create responsible and growing people.  As he talked today about learning to go with the flow when our idea of 'normal' is altered, I think he was talking directly to me.  It still amazes me how sermons can do that.  He talked about hope as a source of energy.  Hope to keep us going when the waters get a little rough.  Hope to gain new perspective when we feel cheated or challenged.  Hope to empower us to work hard and stay positive, whether I'm at school teaching 10th graders how to write an essay, or at home, grading those essays while trying to play with my baby.  

Dave also talked about our weaknesses.  Everyone has weaknesses, times when they lose hope or lose the sense of 'normalcy' in life.  For me, this is the weakness I will soon run into when I'm caught in the middle of the 'weekend web,' and feel pulled in a million directions.  The laundry won't be done, the house will be a mess, and I'll have 35 emails to respond to before Monday.  Groceries will need to be purchased, papers will need to be checked, and a baby will need a bath.  I know I will run into times when I feel weakness at managing life as a mother, a wife, and a teacher.  But, as Dave reminded me today, these are the times when we look beyond ourselves for power.  These are the times when I will remind myself of 2 Corinthians 12:9: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest in me.  Weakness makes us stronger...stronger in our faith in Christ. 

Finally, when all else fails and our 'weakness' begins to get the best of us, this is when we play.  Dave told the story about reflooring his bathroom, growing frustrated at the fact that home improvement projects never go as easy as planned.  After pulling up more than seven layers of pre-existing tile and wanting to kick the sink in during the process, he noticed his seven-year-old grandson staring at him, absorbing every sign of his growing frustration.  Dave looked at his grandson, threw his Wonder Bar to the floor and said, "Charlie, let's go play."  When life gets frustrating and our emotions get the best of us, this is when we play.  Put the pen down, shut the computer screen, and let go.  Play.  

That's it.  It's about hope, it's about play, and it's about power in Christ.  I'm ready to see my students, ready to reconnect with other teachers, and ready to dive back into the profession I love.  And I'm ready to play hard when I get home, to love that baby up, and to not sweat the small stuff in this little life.  Our normal is indeed about to change, but it's about making our new 'normal' better than before.

This weekend has been filled with lots of play, lots of pictures, and lots of attempts to slow down time.  We played Bobby Darin's 'Splish Splash,' during Cruz's bath.  We let Cruz snuggle and fall asleep in our bed before putting him in his crib.  I 'slept' on the couch with him instead of putting him back in his crib in the morning.  We read lots of books, explored new toys, and had lots of family time.  Beau and I had our first 'date night' since October, and spent it at Sakura, and I took an insane amount of pictures this week.  Pictures of Cruz sitting up, lying down, on his belly, and on his side.  Pictures with monkeys, pictures with puppies, pictures with gators, and pictures with hippos.  One thing that will be able to rest when I head back to work is my memory card! 

Tomorrow is the big day.  Wish us luck for a good night's sleep and a strong cup of coffee in the morning!

Lessons from Green Eggs & Ham

The more you read, the more you'll know.  The more you learn, the more places you'll go.

I am an English teacher and by nature, I read.  I read literature by the greats...Hemingway, Salinger, and Tolstoy, and teach my students to delve in and uncover the layers of their words like a piece of chocolate cake.  I love to read and often long for more hours in a day that I could waste away with a good book.  

Teaching Cruz to love sitting and listening to a book is at the top of my priority tree.  I want him to anticipate the page-turn, to grow excited at the adventures within, and to someday appreciate the crisp feel and wonderful smell of a brand new book.  Books are magical in that way.  They have the ability to take one's mind to faraway places that may or may not exist, to challenge old thinking and shed light on new, to broaden our perspectives and steal our hearts.  I want Cruz to experience the power of books over and over again.  

Everyday, we make it a habit to read to Cruz.  Usually in the mornings, after his breakfast, we'll sit with Cruz on our lap and read two or three of his books.  He listens, gasps and squeals when a page is turned, and stares ever-so-intently as the big pages are turned.  The minute a book is opened, Cruz is all smiles and all eyes on the target.  And Cruz absolutely loves Dr. Seuss.  Especially Green Eggs and Ham.  

I had forgotten how much I loved the clever rhymes of Dr. Seuss.  His silly illustrations, witty alliterations, and wacky characters make him fun to read again and again.  And hidden beneath his off-the-wall stories of Yertains that live in curtains, his stories are full of life lessons I hope to one day instill in Cruz.

Green Eggs & Ham.  It's simple.  You don't know if you are going to like something until you try it yourself.  Trust oneself.  Have an open mind and don't be afraid to try new things.  Whether it's green eggs and ham, a new activity in school, or something that's deemed 'uncool.'  But make sure you think good and hard before deciding whether something's right.  Don't cave too soon and do something because a crazy loon named Sam is telling you to.  Trust your instincts and follow your heart.  After all, 'those who mind, don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.'    

One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish.  Not everyone or everything is the same.  It's okay to be different.  Embrace your uniqueness, whether it's eleven fingers, a wump with only one bump, or two feet, four, six, or more!

"Not one of them is like the other.  I don't know why, go ask your mother." 

Horton Hears a Who.  We have so much to learn from Horton.  Help those in need, no matter how small, how insignificant they may seem.  Every one counts in this world of ours, even if at times, something seems impossible.  And the days when it seems that our voice has gone mute, that no one is listening, there may be a Horton just waiting to help.  

In all those years of studying Thoreau, searching for meaning in Faulkner, and playing with the words of Shakespeare, I had aimlessly overlooked the power of Seuss.  He's been my 'chocolate cake' since being home on maternity leave, and I'm sure I'll continue to carry his words with me as I head back to work in the weeks to come.       

I think Cruz already has good taste in books!

Dear Cruz...

Tonight is Sunday and we just spent an hour in my bedroom, lying on the bed, sharing smiles, and playing with your toys.  I'm trying so hard to get you to giggle...I can tell you are so close.  You love the attention and have become quite the charmer...you smile all the time and have the sweetest little voice.  As we empty every toy you have onto the bed, I wonder what your voice will sound like when you are bigger and wonder if there will ever come a time when your smile doesn't make me want to explode with happiness.

I absolutely love nights like tonight.  These are the nights that it's all about.  Nights when I drown out the world around me, and climb into this safe little bubble of pajama pants, warm bed covers, and baby feet.  I get lost in your face and can't take my eyes off you.  You, of course, are oblivious to all, which makes moments like these even sweeter.  It's amazing that such a small, innocent, unknowing thing can bring such life to a person's world.

As I look ahead to my last week of maternity leave, I pray for so many nights like this.  Nights and moments that give me the power to let go and live contentedly in this bubble we have created.  I pray that I can balance life as a mother and teacher, wife and teacher, and that I don't dwell on the minutes I will miss, but make the most of the minutes that I have.  And most of all, I pray that the bond we have formed the past 13 weeks isn't broken by day care.  I pray that this transition is a good one for us as a family, that we get into a routine that only makes us stronger. 

I am so thankful I've had this time at home with you.  You are such a good boy and I am so proud to be your mommy.  Here's to living in a bubble for one more week.  I'm shooting for a giggle, little one, and am running out of ridiculous faces to make it happen.  It's up to you now!

I love you so much...

Mom

2011 is Here

2011 is here.  After three-plus hours, my Christmas decor is stashed away for another year and my living room is clean, cozy, and ready for spring (I know, I'm getting a little ahead of myself).  Taking Christmas down is always a little bittersweet, but every year, I'm pleasantly surprised with how roomy our living room looks without a massive tree in front of the picture window.  Tonight, the three of us are hibernating in the house, piled under blankets, getting ready to start our second movie of the night.  Are You My Mother has been read twice, candles are lit, and popcorn is popping away in the microwave.

2011 is here and we're off to a great start.

Last night was our first official 'night out' since Cruz has been born.  I haven't been too keen on leaving him for too long yet, but thought NYE was a good start.  Grandma and Grandpa Jorgensen came to ring in the new year with our little man, and left us to enjoy a night out in Cedar Falls. 

I took my time getting ready.  Spent extra time on my mascara, tried on three pair of heels, and tucked a fresh tube of lip gloss in my purse.  I sipped a mojito, devoured my favorite raspberry chipotle pasta, and enjoyed lots of adult conversation at Montage before ending the rest of the night at the Voodoo Lounge. 

I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss our little man, that I didn't think about calling every hour to see what he was doing, and that I didn't feel extremely old in a bar filled with lots of skinny college girls.  At one point when Kelli and were discussing breast feeding and daycare in the line to the bathroom, I caught one girl staring at me with a look of utter disbelief.  Funny.  I guess you can't disguise motherhood, no matter how cute your dress is ;).

We played darts and took turns trying on Starbuck's sports jacket.  We ordered melon fishbowls, sang along to the DJ, and discussed the length (or lack thereof) of girls' skirts.  At midnight, we made our way to the dance floor, counted away another year, and shared a kiss to mark a new one.  And after we made our way to Pablos, ate some tacos, and made friends with a few strangers, we made our way home to slip a kiss to a baby, sound asleep in his crib.  

I have high hopes for 2011.  I'm not sure what God has in store for us; however, one thing is for sure.  2011 will be a journey and I'm ready for the ride. 

Living in the Moment

Last year, on New Year's Eve, I was looking forward to ringing in the new year with good friends, a fancy dress, and a glass of champagne.  I was happily married, happily teaching, and optimistically anticipating a new year of change and growth in my life and for our family. 

It's hard to imagine that last year, as we rang in the new year with a balloon drop at the Bourre` Lounge, I was just a few short weeks of becoming pregnant.  The growth I highly anticipated for my life came in the form of 'Baby J' growing in my belly.  A baby boy that would change my year and my life forever. 

I think I have grown as a person more this year than any other.  It's called motherhood.    
 
I'm not much for New Year's resolutions, but this year, I want to be present.  2011 means going back to work and beginning to balance life as a mother, a wife, and a teacher.  Life is going to get busy and likely, stressful.  But in the mix of it all, I want to constantly remind myself to stay present, in the moment, and try to ignore the mundane details of life.  In the last three months, I've realized just how fast little babies change.  I want to be more than just there to see it happen.  I want to live in it, bathe in it, soak in it, until my skin wrinkles up like raisins.  It may sound cliche`, but my resolution is to live in the moment, watch my baby grow, and know that every expression, movement, and milestone is changing, shaping, and molding us into better people.     

This year, I'm looking forward to a night out on the town, a night out with good friends and an even better husband.  I'm more than ready to ring in the new year with a fancy dress, a mouth-watering meal, and a glass (or two) of the bubbly stuff.  And what makes this NYE even better than last year, is that I'll have a sweet baby boy sleeping soundly in his crib when we get home. 

The blessings of 2010...in pictures of course...

January.  The test that started it all.

February.  I became an aunt for the first time.  Charly Grace.  

Warm weather and a growing belly.  March.

News of a baby BOY.  May. 

A Babymoon.  Kansas City.  June.  

A Master's Degree.  June.  

A trip to the Lone Star State.  July. 

A bigger belly.  July.  

A whole lotta this.  Summer.  

A belly ready to pop.  September. 

Hello, birthday month.  We made it to October.  

We made it to this.  October 12.  2010.  

The rest is history.  Hello, baby.  

Here's to much love and happiness in 2011.  It's going to be a great one.  

All-that-is-Christmas

I'm not going to go into a lot of detail when it comes to describing our Christmas this year.  I want to lock it away in this little chest of memories I've been storing in the back of my brain, memories to sit beside the day of our wedding, the beach lounging days of Mexico, and the days of and following Cruz's birth.  This Christmas ranks with the best of days and there just aren't a lot of words to describe it.  I only hope years from now, I look back and remember the love I felt, as well as the smiles plastered on the faces of our family.

Especially the sweet smiles from this little guy.     

Cruz loved Christmas.  The last couple of weeks, he's been so responsive to people, to noise, to lights, and to attention, a perfect combination to come at Christmas time.  His eyes were big as we opened brightly colored packages in front of him, and he smiled when he saw the surprises awaiting inside.  His favorite gifts this year were the books and light-up toys.  It's as if he knew they were especially for him.  Beau and I passed him back and forth all weekend, taking our turns experiencing this with him.  Our gifts, although very much appreciated and enjoyed, didn't compare to the gift of watching Cruz experience his first Christmas.  He was far more alert and into it than I ever pictured.  

What I will always remember about this first Christmas of ours...

...the snow.  The storybook snow that started Christmas Eve and didn't quit.  The big flakes that danced in the air and took their sweet time landing on the cold ground while I got the house ready for Christmas.  The giant icicles that looked better than Christmas lights, and the sparkle on the earth as we left the candlelight service at church.  I've never remembered a Christmas snow more beautiful than this one.  I felt like we were living in a snow globe!

...Orchard.  Our first Christmas Eve candlelight service as a family.  The dimmed lights, the incredible music, the white Chinese lanterns hung from the ceiling, and the Christmas carols sung in the atrium.  I will never forget snuggling with Cruz during the service, holding him tight as the Christmas story was read, and thinking about a cold night in Bethlehem, and a sweet little baby born two thousand years ago. 

Cruz slept through a good part of the service, but loved the candles lit at the end.  The peace and power that resonated in that building was incredible.  At the end of the service, before anyone could leave, Pastor Dave gave the congregation one last assignment.  He said that oftentimes, Christmas comes and goes so fast, and in all of our time with our family, we fail to hold them close and tell them how much we love them.  That was our assignment.  To have one, tiny little moment with our family before leaving to celebrate the holidays.  I witnessed 85 year old couples embrace as if they were 16 again, sons hug fathers for the first time in years, and little girls whisper, 'I love you,' in their grandpas' ears.   

...the way the house smelled when we got home from church.  It is tradition to cook a big, fancy meal for our own little Christmas.  Our Christmas menu this year included stracotta, an Italian pot roast with a red wine and porchini mushroom sauce, mashed potatoes, corn casserole, and a salad with cranberries, toasted almonds, and a balsamic vinegarette dressing.  The (four) of us ate dinner at the table.  Our changing table pad has become quite useful and versatile, especially when it comes to meal prep and eating! 

...It's a Wonderful Life on TV, a glass of red wine, and a new pair of pirate pajamas for Cruz.  This was our first Christmas Eve at home, our first one as a family.  We opened presents, read a few books, and did our best to slow down time.  Cruz loved his interactive manger ornament, and plastic camera (go figure).  It was funny to open gifts I had purchased and wrapped just days before, but fulfilling to know it was the start of a new tradition for us.   

...So many cute presents for the Cruz man!  He was spoiled by his family, and since his presents are officially more fun than mine, I feel spoiled too!  I spent two hours yesterday reorganizing his closet and playing with his toys.  He is mesmerized by his laptop from Charly, and thinks his 'pillow pal' blankie is pretty snugly.  He got his first long underwear stocking from his Grandpa Ray and Grandma Mary, lots of Gap clothes and books to add to his collection from Grandma Kelly and Grandpa Curt, and a special rocking horse from Great Grandma and Grandpa Hoodjer.  The only toy he was a little skeptical of was a little drum that plays music.  After a total meltdown with big tears and all, we decided we better put that away for a few months!

...a long, drawn out Christmas at my mom and dad's.  We had to take a break in the middle of presents to let the little ones nap!  It was kind of crazy to think that last Christmas, Charly wasn't even born and I wasn't even pregnant!  I don't know how many times Mom commented that, 'this was the Christmas she always dreamed of!'    

...A weekend of a whole lot of this...

This morning (or afternoon now), as I sit in pajamas amidst boxes, receipts, spit-up stained blankets, and the remnants of all-that-was-Christmas, I know that all too soon, the Christmas tree with the little lights that Cruz has loved for over a month will get stored away, the presents will find a place, and I will be back to work.  And as another year begins and new resolutions are made, I hope I can keep all-that-was-Christmas a part of our family all year long.