Redefining What's 'Normal'

Well, this is it.  My last official day of maternity leave.  My last day before heading back to work.  Tomorrow morning, my alarm will sound at 5:30 am, reminding me that my mornings of sweat pants and rocking Cruz while Hoda and Kathie Lee plays in the background are over.  Well, at least until Spring Break ;).

I have been so blessed to have been able to stay home with Cruz for 13 weeks.  So blessed to have a supportive husband that knew his control-freak wife needed some much needed downtime to find some control in this new role.  Life has been so good lately that it's hard to imagine it changing.  I am so thankful that my mom and grandma are going to help 'transition' me into daycare this week by coming to stay with Cruz.  I really can't imagine dropping him off at daycare quite yet.  Right now, I'm taking baby steps, and getting myself to work on time is step one. 

At church this morning, Dave Bartlett began a sermon series called 'Redefining Normal.'  It focuses primarily on how to love our families and build homes that create responsible and growing people.  As he talked today about learning to go with the flow when our idea of 'normal' is altered, I think he was talking directly to me.  It still amazes me how sermons can do that.  He talked about hope as a source of energy.  Hope to keep us going when the waters get a little rough.  Hope to gain new perspective when we feel cheated or challenged.  Hope to empower us to work hard and stay positive, whether I'm at school teaching 10th graders how to write an essay, or at home, grading those essays while trying to play with my baby.  

Dave also talked about our weaknesses.  Everyone has weaknesses, times when they lose hope or lose the sense of 'normalcy' in life.  For me, this is the weakness I will soon run into when I'm caught in the middle of the 'weekend web,' and feel pulled in a million directions.  The laundry won't be done, the house will be a mess, and I'll have 35 emails to respond to before Monday.  Groceries will need to be purchased, papers will need to be checked, and a baby will need a bath.  I know I will run into times when I feel weakness at managing life as a mother, a wife, and a teacher.  But, as Dave reminded me today, these are the times when we look beyond ourselves for power.  These are the times when I will remind myself of 2 Corinthians 12:9: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest in me.  Weakness makes us stronger...stronger in our faith in Christ. 

Finally, when all else fails and our 'weakness' begins to get the best of us, this is when we play.  Dave told the story about reflooring his bathroom, growing frustrated at the fact that home improvement projects never go as easy as planned.  After pulling up more than seven layers of pre-existing tile and wanting to kick the sink in during the process, he noticed his seven-year-old grandson staring at him, absorbing every sign of his growing frustration.  Dave looked at his grandson, threw his Wonder Bar to the floor and said, "Charlie, let's go play."  When life gets frustrating and our emotions get the best of us, this is when we play.  Put the pen down, shut the computer screen, and let go.  Play.  

That's it.  It's about hope, it's about play, and it's about power in Christ.  I'm ready to see my students, ready to reconnect with other teachers, and ready to dive back into the profession I love.  And I'm ready to play hard when I get home, to love that baby up, and to not sweat the small stuff in this little life.  Our normal is indeed about to change, but it's about making our new 'normal' better than before.

This weekend has been filled with lots of play, lots of pictures, and lots of attempts to slow down time.  We played Bobby Darin's 'Splish Splash,' during Cruz's bath.  We let Cruz snuggle and fall asleep in our bed before putting him in his crib.  I 'slept' on the couch with him instead of putting him back in his crib in the morning.  We read lots of books, explored new toys, and had lots of family time.  Beau and I had our first 'date night' since October, and spent it at Sakura, and I took an insane amount of pictures this week.  Pictures of Cruz sitting up, lying down, on his belly, and on his side.  Pictures with monkeys, pictures with puppies, pictures with gators, and pictures with hippos.  One thing that will be able to rest when I head back to work is my memory card! 

Tomorrow is the big day.  Wish us luck for a good night's sleep and a strong cup of coffee in the morning!

All-that-is-Christmas

I'm not going to go into a lot of detail when it comes to describing our Christmas this year.  I want to lock it away in this little chest of memories I've been storing in the back of my brain, memories to sit beside the day of our wedding, the beach lounging days of Mexico, and the days of and following Cruz's birth.  This Christmas ranks with the best of days and there just aren't a lot of words to describe it.  I only hope years from now, I look back and remember the love I felt, as well as the smiles plastered on the faces of our family.

Especially the sweet smiles from this little guy.     

Cruz loved Christmas.  The last couple of weeks, he's been so responsive to people, to noise, to lights, and to attention, a perfect combination to come at Christmas time.  His eyes were big as we opened brightly colored packages in front of him, and he smiled when he saw the surprises awaiting inside.  His favorite gifts this year were the books and light-up toys.  It's as if he knew they were especially for him.  Beau and I passed him back and forth all weekend, taking our turns experiencing this with him.  Our gifts, although very much appreciated and enjoyed, didn't compare to the gift of watching Cruz experience his first Christmas.  He was far more alert and into it than I ever pictured.  

What I will always remember about this first Christmas of ours...

...the snow.  The storybook snow that started Christmas Eve and didn't quit.  The big flakes that danced in the air and took their sweet time landing on the cold ground while I got the house ready for Christmas.  The giant icicles that looked better than Christmas lights, and the sparkle on the earth as we left the candlelight service at church.  I've never remembered a Christmas snow more beautiful than this one.  I felt like we were living in a snow globe!

...Orchard.  Our first Christmas Eve candlelight service as a family.  The dimmed lights, the incredible music, the white Chinese lanterns hung from the ceiling, and the Christmas carols sung in the atrium.  I will never forget snuggling with Cruz during the service, holding him tight as the Christmas story was read, and thinking about a cold night in Bethlehem, and a sweet little baby born two thousand years ago. 

Cruz slept through a good part of the service, but loved the candles lit at the end.  The peace and power that resonated in that building was incredible.  At the end of the service, before anyone could leave, Pastor Dave gave the congregation one last assignment.  He said that oftentimes, Christmas comes and goes so fast, and in all of our time with our family, we fail to hold them close and tell them how much we love them.  That was our assignment.  To have one, tiny little moment with our family before leaving to celebrate the holidays.  I witnessed 85 year old couples embrace as if they were 16 again, sons hug fathers for the first time in years, and little girls whisper, 'I love you,' in their grandpas' ears.   

...the way the house smelled when we got home from church.  It is tradition to cook a big, fancy meal for our own little Christmas.  Our Christmas menu this year included stracotta, an Italian pot roast with a red wine and porchini mushroom sauce, mashed potatoes, corn casserole, and a salad with cranberries, toasted almonds, and a balsamic vinegarette dressing.  The (four) of us ate dinner at the table.  Our changing table pad has become quite useful and versatile, especially when it comes to meal prep and eating! 

...It's a Wonderful Life on TV, a glass of red wine, and a new pair of pirate pajamas for Cruz.  This was our first Christmas Eve at home, our first one as a family.  We opened presents, read a few books, and did our best to slow down time.  Cruz loved his interactive manger ornament, and plastic camera (go figure).  It was funny to open gifts I had purchased and wrapped just days before, but fulfilling to know it was the start of a new tradition for us.   

...So many cute presents for the Cruz man!  He was spoiled by his family, and since his presents are officially more fun than mine, I feel spoiled too!  I spent two hours yesterday reorganizing his closet and playing with his toys.  He is mesmerized by his laptop from Charly, and thinks his 'pillow pal' blankie is pretty snugly.  He got his first long underwear stocking from his Grandpa Ray and Grandma Mary, lots of Gap clothes and books to add to his collection from Grandma Kelly and Grandpa Curt, and a special rocking horse from Great Grandma and Grandpa Hoodjer.  The only toy he was a little skeptical of was a little drum that plays music.  After a total meltdown with big tears and all, we decided we better put that away for a few months!

...a long, drawn out Christmas at my mom and dad's.  We had to take a break in the middle of presents to let the little ones nap!  It was kind of crazy to think that last Christmas, Charly wasn't even born and I wasn't even pregnant!  I don't know how many times Mom commented that, 'this was the Christmas she always dreamed of!'    

...A weekend of a whole lot of this...

This morning (or afternoon now), as I sit in pajamas amidst boxes, receipts, spit-up stained blankets, and the remnants of all-that-was-Christmas, I know that all too soon, the Christmas tree with the little lights that Cruz has loved for over a month will get stored away, the presents will find a place, and I will be back to work.  And as another year begins and new resolutions are made, I hope I can keep all-that-was-Christmas a part of our family all year long.

Cruz's Baptism Day

Where you go, I'll go,

Where you stay, I'll stay,

When you move, I'll move,

I will follow you.

One of the many reasons I love going to Orchard Hill Church is the new perspective I seem to gain after each service.  The perspective that leaves us thinking, questioning, and reworking past assumptions and preconceptions well into the parking lot and car ride home.  I've heard the Christmas story so many times and over the years, I've listened to numerous pastors and teachers share their perspectives on it.  But today, Pastor Tim taught about Mary, the mother of Jesus, and I don't think I'll ever see her in the same light again.  No longer will I envision the royal figure often depicted in pictures, the beautifully dressed, well fed, angel face, contentedly relaxing by a well-kept, clean manger.  Mary was likely very young, probably an early teen at best, from a poor, rural, but hardworking family in Nazareth.  Mary was young, innocent, and likely no near ready to mother a baby. 

Especially this baby. 

God rocked her world with the news that she would carry his son, the One who would later die for her, as well as nations of people and generations to come.  And although the drastic change he placed upon her seems incomprehensible to us, there's a part of it that also remains so earthly, so realistic.  Mary was simple, normal, human.  Mary was like any one of us and just like her world changed forever with the news of Jesus, God has the power to do the same to us.  To change us, mold us, and make us part of His plan.  And whatever this plan involves, it is our job to be like Mary, to question, but accept, to follow, to praise, and to have faith.  

Never before has Mary seemed so human, so real to me.  She is an incredible example of a mother, and an incredible example of a believer.  She remained true when her reputation was at stake, when her plans failed to follow her path, and when the impossible seemed possible.  This sermon hit home for me in many ways, especially on Cruz's baptism day.

Yesterday was such a special day.  Holding a baby so close at Christmas time is a constant reminder of the miracle of what we celebrate this time of year.  How perfect of God to choose a sweet, innocent little baby to change our world forever.  

I think the holy water has something in it.  I say this because never before has Cruz slept soundly in church!  It was as if he knew it was a special day for him, knew his family was there to watch him, knew he was on stage in front of 500 plus people.  He was an angel baby.  Dressed in a simple white Gap sleeper, he was wide awake for the baptism, but slept through the rest of the service.  He stared peacefully as the pastor patted the water on his forehead, and fell asleep with his little fist up by his cheek, as if pondering the act himself.  

After church, we had a small reception at our house.  The menu included lasagna and garlic bread, a green salad with cranberries, a jello salad with cranberries, and punch with cranberries (I guess I didn't realize I had a theme going).  I decorated the table with Christmas trees and candles, a wrapping paper table runner, and lots of sweets.  And of course, the table would not be complete without twenty-eight cake balls, created and perfected for the second time around.  

Cruz enjoyed the attention and continued to sleep for a good portion of the day.  He spent some time hanging out with Charly, showed his family his little smile, and enjoyed watching us open a few gifts for him.  Once again, as I watched everyone congregate around Cruz and Charly, I wondered what our families did before babies.

I didn't expect Cruz's baptism to resonate with me as it did.  The message of this time of year, of the true meaning of Christmas.  And the example of Mary, as a mother, and as a faithful believer of Christ.  I pray that Cruz will grow up to be a believer like her, to remain faithful always, and to believe in the promise of God's plan.   

All your ways are good,

All your ways are sure,

I will trust in You alone.

Higher than my side,

High above my life,

I will trust in you alone.