Living Deliberately

“I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately...I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life...To put to rout all that was not life and not when I had come to die, discover that I had not lived.”

Thoreau, from Walden 

 

About a half hour before my tenth grade classes began last Tuesday, I made a change of plans.  It was beautiful outside, very above average temperatures for the first day of November, and likely one of the last warm days of 2011.  So, together with our notebooks and pencils, we trudged to Dry Run Creek, and I encouraged the students to spread out on their own bed of sunshine and just write.  

It was the perfect way to begin our next unit of study, a unit on the 19th Century Transcendentalist philosophy.  Transcendentalism was a philosophy and literary movement coined by famous authors like Henry David Thoreau and Ralph Waldo Emerson.  This philosophy sent an unsettled Thoreau to seek solitude deep in the woods on Walden Pond, hoping to find a refuge and a better sense of self by escaping the constraints, distractions, and schedules of our society.  It was a quest for the simple things, a hunt for the self in a very clouded society, and an attempt to strip life down to the bare essentials and see what it had to offer.  It was a quest to be deliberate, to be present in this life that is full of so much beauty.  

Unfortunately, our world seems to equate success and happiness with abundance, excess, and material possessions.  And it's a challenge to not get caught up in the mix.  It's what Annie Dillard refers to as 'poverty:'  It is dire poverty indeed when a man is so malnourished and fatigued that he won't stoop to pick up a penny.  But if you cultivate a healthy poverty and simplicity, so that finding a penny will literally make your day, then, since the world is in fact planted in pennies, you have with your poverty bought a lifetime of days.  

I want to strive to live this way.  I want to learn to let go of the material stresses of day to day life and live deliberately.  I want to be fully aware of my surroundings, and cultivate the kind of lifestyle that has time to notice the various 'pennies' that fill our world.  It's what Kelle Hampton calls: 'the ever present existence of the awareness of good.'  It's there, all the time, it just takes a whole new kind of seeing.  

Last weekend, I was stressed.  I felt I had a million things to do, and when Beau suggested we take off and go explore our city's nature reserve, my first thought was one of doubt.  But, I went because I love my boys.  And the longer we explored and played and threw piles of leaves in the air, the more stress slipped away.

There were pennies everywhere.

There was the white tail of the deer that stood out like a sore thumb against the palette of rusts and tans and burnt orange.  There was the thick layer of leaves that felt like carpet under our feet, and the many textures of plant life that created one giant touch-and-feel book for Cruz to explore.

There was the look of my sweet boy with his hoodie on...

...and the numerous and generous wet kisses he'd supply on demand.

There was the sight of our boy on Beau's shoulders, an image that still gets caught in my throat...

...and the sweet way he kept leaning down to say, 'hi' to his daddy.

These are the moments that life is really all about.  I just wish it were enough.

Since Saturday, I've longed for more days like these.  Days that allow us to escape and live deliberately, to suck the marrow out of this life.  I think in order to cultivate this lifestyle, one must be deliberate and forceful about making these moments happen.  My goal for November, and December, and 2012 while we are at it, is to be more aware, more deliberate, and more intentional about noticing the pennies in our world.  It's a happy existence- one I would love to instill in my babes.

"Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in."

-Thoreau

Halloween

November is here.  The birthday month has passed, marked by the first of many end-of-the-year celebrations--- Halloween.  The summer warmth has been replaced by the crispness of fall, which will soon be replaced by the first flake of snow, the anticipation of that first snow day, and the warmth of that first fire in the fireplace.  The end of the year is upon us and I am grateful for the everyday comforts of home.  

Monday was Halloween night, and I felt like I was stuck within the pages of a children's story.  I felt as though the baton had been passed, and it was my turn to create the same Halloween experience I remember as a child.  Like a child, I watched the clock all day long, waiting for the end of the school day, waiting to go home, and waiting to get Cruz dressed up.  Like a child, I hurried through my supper and lurked by the picture window, waiting to spot the first costumed little.  It's true those same, childlike feelings of excitement, anticipation, and happiness still exist into adulthood, and there is nothing in the world that brings this out more than being around a child.

We had so much fun.  We lit candles in the living room and danced to The Monster Mash.  We got cozy in hats and gloves and my favorite Uggs, and stuffed Cruz in his little caterpillar heat box.  We arranged our jack-o-lanterns just so, and watched house light after house light after house light flip on in our neighborhood.  Our neighborhood has such a life to it on Halloween night---you could fill your pumpkin without ever leaving our street.  Jordan, Kelli, and Charly decided to come and trick-or-treat with us, and we had so much fun watching Cruz and Charly's attempt to score big in the candy department.  When Cruz wasn't riding in his Radio Flyer, he was riding high on his dad's shoulders, his little caterpillar tail trailing behind him.  Charly was a little hesitant at first, but quickly caught on to the gig.  She pridefully trudged from house to house, smiled sweetly at the people who filled her bag, and just as quickly marched back to the sidewalk, only to look ahead to the next one.  Cruz, on the other hand, didn't seem to truly understand what was going on, but was content with the action, the laughter, and the lights of the bright jack-o-lanterns that were propped on many porches.  

Cruz loved his costume.  It is definitely the only hat he'll wear to date without vast attempts to remove it, and he playfully inched around like a little caterpillar the minute I turned him loose.  He had lots of opportunities to get his use out of it, with a few mom-and-Cruz photo shoots, a Halloween parade and party at daycare, and his debut as a caterpillar on Noah's Ark at his daycare's annual musical program.  He definitely looked cute as a bug, and I'm having a hard time packing it away.

Big boy is taking steps...

It was a Halloween for the memory books, filled with old and new traditions that added a special magic to the day and weekend.  I'm so thankful for a husband who plays along with my deliberate holiday antics, and hope one day maybe Cruz himself will want to carry on some of the traditions that we have carved out.  

And speaking of carving...

Next year, my dad suggested we have a family pumpkin carving contest.  He used to be known around my hometown for his articulate designs.  And while I cheat and go for the cuteness factor with my baby's name carved in orange muck, Beau goes for the disturbing factor.  When I talked him out of the puking pumpkin, he settled for a pumpkin eating a gourd.  

Cruz 'helped' us carve our pumpkins by eating raw pumpkin seeds, attempting to climb into Beau's lap while he took a power tool to his pumpkin, and pulling the stem off one of the pumpkins.  

It wouldn't be a holiday without some attempts to bake, and my attempts are typically either very successful or a complete and utter failure.  While my chocolate caramel turtle corn turned out fine, my candy corn inspired cupcakes looked anything like the picture.  They tasted good, however, as did my Nutter Butter ghosts, and my new favorite--- butternut squash soup.

I love this time of year, and look forward to the simple pleasures of another change in season.  But for now, a new pair of fleece pajamas for Cruz, his favorite blankie, and a new Halloween book from Grandma are calling my name.  It's a great night to be stuck inside.  

The Very Hungry Caterpillar

Tonight, we turned on our house light and abandoned our basket of candy-goods on our door stop.  In recent pasts, Beau and I would put on a spooky Halloween playlist, dim the lights in our house, and watch our neighborhood light up with trick-or-treaters from the comfort of our home.  We'd drink wine, fill little Jack-o-Lanterns with candy, and pretend we existed within the pages of a children's story.  I love Halloween, and love the spirit that fills the streets of our neighborhood.  

This year, however, we left our candy at home, and took our Very Hungry Caterpillar for his first trick-or-treating experience.  

And thanks to Grandma Kelly, Cruz discovered a love for chocolate Kit Kat bars.  Here he is attempting to disclose his attempt to tear into one through its wrapping. 

It's the first of many end-of-the-year celebrations, and I am ready to stretch out and soak up every one of them.  We had so much fun this weekend --- I may just have to keep this costume in a familiar place for the occasional rainy day.  

  
So much to catch up on---but for now, it's bedtime.  My 'hungry' caterpillar is a sleepy one!  

Hope you had fun tonight :)