I had last week off, a sweet reprieve from the semester and an even sweeter preview of a longer break to come in just a few short weeks. I had plans to spend it in a similar fashion to previous years, playing catch up at home, getting this house ready for Christmas, and preparing for family Thanksgiving around our table. Monday, however, I spent a large majority of my day distracted by this blog. Of all things, right? I stumbled upon some news that the third party site I use for all my photo editing, storage, and management needs is changing their policies and is now going to charge me to continue to use and view the photos on my blog. This sent me into an unforeseen spiral of evaluating my reasons for continuing this hobby of mine, if and how it would be used and passed on to Cruz and Mila as they get older, and whether it was something I even wanted to continue. I go through this from time to time, wondering what else I could be doing with the hours I put into this, wondering what I would gain and/or miss by moving on.
As I researched options and evaluated some choices, I spent a good chunk of my day scrolling through old blog posts of the past seven years of our family's history. I started writing the summer before I found out I was pregnant with Cruz. And as I scrolled through picture upon picture and story upon story of my pregnancies, our day-to-day lives, and all the big and small adventures we've had together, I felt like I had warped back in time to those very moments. I recalled sweet memories and feelings that had faded, smiled through tears as I was reminded of little quirks or funny stories that I had forgotten, and laughed through a little embarrassment at my own growth as a writer, a person, and a photographer! That Monday, although a frustrating day, served as a blessing in disguise, a much needed reminder of these years and how fast they go. And it provided just the perspective I needed to head into this holiday season. These years are short and the moments, they matter.
I carried this with me through much of our Thanksgiving break. I felt weepy often and cried at random moments, during the music at church, a walk at sunset with the kids in a prairie of dried up beauty, and in the closet after Mila's bath, when she grabbed my hand and said she'd love me forever. Everything seemed to carry a little more weight to it, a little more nostalgia, as I was reminded how fast it all goes. I can't freeze time, but I can do my best to savor the time I've got.
I was planning to spend my Tuesday at home by myself, decorating the house and listening to Christmas music without being interrupted by requests for a snack, some water, and assistance with finding Elena of Avalor's missing shoe or Snow White's head. But instead, I asked Mila if she'd like to stay home with me to help dress this house for the holidays. She happily obliged, fittingly chose her most festive twirly dress, and the two of us had the sweetest day together. She helped me set up little houses and Christmas trees, loved unwrapping the nativity set piece by piece, and innocently asked where God was as she identified each character of the story. She asked for a braid, picked raspberry yogurt at lunch because it was pink, and ooh'ed and ahh'ed her way through Michaels as she admired all the ornaments, greenery, and sparkles. She sheepishly hid behind my leg when I had to find an associate to tell them she accidentally shattered a pink typewriter ornament she insisted on carrying around, and later squealed in high-pitched delight when I ironically won a free rainbow unicorn ornament for spending $50. We ended our girls day at Starbucks, where her nail-polished chipped fingers clasped the sweetest holiday hot cocoa cup and she nibbled her way around just the outside of a snowman cake pop. We played eye spy and princess trivia, and vowed to play hookie more often.
I hope these pictures someday remind me of this sweet, unexpected day together. Remember this? This was the year you insisted on wearing twirly dresses every day and called one of the wise men God because you couldn't find him in the nativity. That was the best day.
Cute!!!
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