"Every day God invites us on the same kind of adventure. It's not a trip where He sends us a rigid itinerary. He simply invites us. God asks what it is He's made us to love, what it is that captures our attention, what feeds that deep indescribable need of our souls to experience the richness of the world He made. And then, leaning over us, He whispers, "Let's go do that together."
Bob Goff
I feel it about this time every year, a February funk that settles in and leaves me feeling a little lost, a little unsatisfied, and very much longing for a little spring in my step and out my window. It settled in this weekend and no matter how much I tried to work my way out it, it just lingered. Typically, I can sort of "plan" my way out of it - I do something that makes me feel productive like clean a closet, I do something creative with the kids like a Jorgensen Top Chef night, I do some kind of self-care like take a bath or paint my toes, or when all else fails, I wander aimlessly around Target filling my cart with random things I absolutely don't need. We've all been there!
But now, thanks to a healthy dose of self-discovery from tools like the enneagram, a few trusted souls I can air it all out to, and a few good years of spiritual muscle building in God's word, I can see it for what it is and better yet, know how to climb out of it. One of the realest things I learned from a fellow three enneagram on a podcast recently was that we 3s feel only as good as we do. And when we do do something, it's really only good enough when it's a little (extra)ordinary. Ordinary, mundane, and directionless are hard. And they are great breeding ground for a good February funk.
But what I'm also learning is that those days, weeks, and seasons are also invitations to truly practice what it means to rest. To not always have to do, or experience, or strive, or check off the next thing, but to sit just long enough for God to invite you into something entirely new. Something you wouldn't have had the eyes to see if you were too busy taking over yourself. It's all a balance, knowing when to do and when to stop, but I've found sometimes those in between spaces that feel a little funky are the perfect invitations to be still and let a little extraordinary magic show up in the all sorts of surprise places along the way.
Since this weekend, I've been learning to sit in the rest of February well. To take it slow, rest well, do good with whatever it is I find right in front of me, and note all the simple, sweet blessings along the way. And there have been so many things this week!
...like the big red cardboard heart the kids pulled out from their secret hiding place last Sunday night. Every February leading up to Valentine's Day, I write Beau, Cruz, and Mila daily love notes on little paper hearts and tape them up around the house. Little did I know, they were devising their own heart to surprise me with for Valentine's Day. And aside from the sweet gesture of it all, the hearts they filled out were so special to me. I love that Cruz wrote, I love when you show me how to do something step-by-step instead of rushing me, and I love how you are funny and can make me laugh even when I'm hurt - because I knew the exact times he was referring to. At the end of the day, they see and they know how much we love them and that is good enough for me.
...Mila's adorable "how to" books she brought home from kindergarten, each with a dedication page written on the inside cover. One was dedicated to me and the other to her "cosit Harper." Their cousin love is big.
...expected magic, like yesterday morning when Cruz groggily came out of his room just as Beau and I were making breakfast together. And just like that, Beau asked Cruz if he'd ever seen us juggle. Without a second to think, Beau started tossing cuties to me from across the room, one after another after another, until we were all in hysterics and cuties were flying everywhere. And last night at dinner, Cruz said it was his favorite part of his whole day!
...Cruz and I have been taking full advantage of this lingering winter by covering a lot of ground in Harry Potter. We're nearing the end of Book 3 and I can't wait for another movie night.
...Dance and karaoke parties after Mila opened up her Valentine gift. Pretty sure all four of us have fought over this thing every night since!
...Speaking of Mila, she sure brought a lot of light to our college life group dinner last night. Yesterday, when I picked her and Cruz up from daycare after school, she was busy at work creating little notes of affirmation for our group of college girls. She thought of all the little sayings herself, one of her teachers helped write them, and then at home, she carefully sprinkled them around the house in places they would find them - the bathroom mirror, a paper plate, the front door, or the seat of their chair. If they found two, they could give one to a friend. It was so sweet - their smiles, the way they'd tape them to their phone case or on the inside cover of their planners - and I couldn't help but feel like those little notes might just mean a whole lot to them. But my favorite part of the night - after the girls went home, the kitchen was cleaned up, and I finally got to bed, that girl of mine had ever so sneakily taped a note to my pillow, too.
So my cure for a February funk? Sit in it long enough to let some otherwise ordinary turn into something pretty extraordinary. And when all else fails - there's always Target.
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