Our Valentine's Day

Blame it on lots of reasons, but Valentine's Day just didn't get the same attention this holiday typically gets at the Jorgensen house.  Beau was gone the weekend prior on an epic ice fishing adventure with his best friends from college, most of my extra mental and calendar space was devoted to IF Gathering 2018, and I was spending more time preparing my soul for Ash Wednesday and my extended vacation from social media, which also happened to fall on love day this year.  This was the first year I even purchased store-bought Valentine's, and did so two days prior to Valentine's Day.  Big mistake.  Everything was picked over, and as I did some mental math and soon discovered just how many Valentine's we actually needed between both kids and four different parties, I settled for what was left.  And you know what?  The kids were thrilled!

I was planning to recreate last year's pretty ambience around the table and Cruz's favorite meatloaf dinner, but struggled to see how it was going to fit into my week this year.  And thanks to mother nature and my spontaneous hubby, I didn't have to!  We traded a pretty dinner table for snow gear and watched the sun go down as sledded and snowballed and stumbled up big hills on campus.  It was our first family sledding excursion of winter and may be our only one if we get our wish for spring.  Then we traded meatloaf for loaded nachos at Mulligans, and cheers'ed to love and the Olympics, and deleted apps on our phones.  Our night ended with Scratch cupcakes around the table, taking turns filling out a big door-sized poster of reasons we sure love these people we get to do life with.

And while I will still admit I battle my own expectations of what to put into these holidays we get to celebrate with our kids while they're little, I'm thankful when I have opportunities to let go and celebrate in the unexpected, but just as special of ways.  And when we hopped in the truck after devouring our nachos at Mulligans, our gloves still damp from the snowball fight that preceded it, Beau said it was his most favorite Valentine's Day yet.  Sometimes, it's fun to let someone else take the driver's seat.  

But Christmas is still mine.  Let's not get too carried away. ;)

  

6/52

"a portrait of each of my children, once each week, in 2018."

Cruz: All of my pictures of you lately reveal signs of a growing and changing little boy.  Just look at your two front teeth!  This was taken right before your first grade music concert.  You were very excited, as you are with most school-related things these days, and my heart almost burst as I watched you confidently take your spot and immediately began scanning the room for us.  I saw you mouth the words, "Where's my mom," to the boy next to you and when your big brown eyes met mine, your face lit up.  Always look at me that way, okay bud?

Mila: We've been finding more and more time to do girl things together these days and you're eating it up.  Cruz went to a UNI basketball game with a friend one night so we saw it as a good opportunity to transform this Cheerios box into a princess castle Valentine's box.  While I don't love valentine's box construction, this one was pretty fun.  Except for that darn letter "A" that wouldn't stay on. :) 

7/52

"a portrait of each of my children, once each week, in 2018."

Cruz: You've been showing a new interest in football these days, asking a lot of questions about it and using an old purple UNI ball you retrieved from the basement to entice the neighbors to play a game with you.  I watched you from the window and when you came in, you asked Beau to work on some plays with you.  You said that Ty (the only 4th grader in the group) was on your team, but you didn't understand any of the words he was using when he told you what to do!  Sometimes I wonder what you'll choose to invest your passions in!

Mila: We had a fun Valentine's day, taking advantage of the warm temps. with a little sledding before supper.  This was the first year you didn't cry within the first 15 minutes!  In fact, as we loaded the car up, you asked if you could go down the hill one more time, this time by yourself.  You are brave and fearless and it scares your daddy and I! 

A Birthday Tea

There are few things I love more in life than people around my table.  So when Mom and I were discussing my grandma's upcoming 80th birthday, my mind started swirling with ideas to treat one of my favorite women with an afternoon for just the girls.  It's not very often we get to do this, and all week Mila kept telling Beau and Cruz we were going to kick them out of the kitchen so we could have a tea party for Grandma.  I love that she is getting to the age where she is appreciating these special occasions, too!

On a dreary February Saturday, I transformed my table into a spring retreat.  Mason jars were filled with pink tulips and velvety white stock, little succulent pots adorned each place setting, and a homemade lemon blueberry cake became our centerpiece.  Mom and I served chicken salad with grapes, celery, and cranberries on croissants, a lemon kale salad with quinoa, shrimp salad, and fresh fruit.  And my favorite touch were the tea cups!  I've collected quite the mix of new Anthropologie cups mixed with a few vintage sets purchased for Mila's Tea for Two birthday party.  They looked so pretty stacked up on a wood tray next to the table.  I stopped at one of my favorite most recent additions to Cedar Falls Main Street, The Tea Cellar, and purchased a couple of new spring flavors to add to my current favorites, Winter Berry and Honey Almond.  We were set!

We slowly savored our lunch, spoiled Grandma well with pretty packages of perfume, stationary, a photo album of pictures, a new Bible, and a flower pot, and gathered back around the table for tea and cake afterwards.  My favorite part of the day was this time - slow, uninterrupted time to sip tea, savor a piece of cake, and listen to Grandma share stories of her family growing up.  She was one of the youngest of twelve siblings, and remembered her mom serving tea nearly every single afternoon, a tradition that spanned well into Grandma's years of raising her own kids and welcoming grand-kids.  Her parents both passed away far too soon, but I smiled to think we were getting a taste of Great Grandma's legacy that afternoon.  A legacy I would love to make more of a staple around here.

It was a beautiful day gathering four generations of women from our family to celebrate a matriarch we love and look up to so very much.  Grandma is one of the most special women in my life.  I was blessed to have grown up just down the street from both her and Grandpa, and rarely went a day without seeing them.  Being the only granddaughter of six grandkids, I was the recipient of frequent special adventures, trips to La Crosse to accompany Grandma on shopping trips while Grandpa attended work events, special afternoons working on craft projects around her kitchen table, and memories sitting side by side with on the piano bench as I mimicked her dominant left hand and followed the same notes with mine.  Grandpa took me on my very first driving lesson, let me "borrow" his black oldsmobile as my "first car," and accompanied me, Mom, and Grandma as they watched me try on several prom dresses my senior year, eventually pitching in so I could have the bright pink one that was just a little over budget.  

Grandma, I admire so much about you!  You are strong and kind, selfless and devoted, and full of grace and a deep deep love for God and His people.  I am so thankful to be part of your gene pool and only hope I grow up with the same maturity, grace, and beauty you demonstrate every day.  Thank you for being such a constant, present, loving part of our lives.  Your kids, grandkids, and five little great-grandkids are blessed beyond measure to have you leading the way.        

         

IF:Gathering 2018 || Where I'm At

Last Friday and Saturday, we gathered with over 300 women from 48 different churches in our community for IF:Gathering 2018.  The seven inches of snow we received the night before couldn't stop the anticipation that had been building around this weekend for a long time.  This was my first year on the planning team and ever since the seven of us road tripped to Texas for IF:Lead in September, we had been dreaming and praying about this IF:Gathering, desiring to create a space where women of all ages would be seen and valued, a place where they could revive a spark in them and feel called to take brave steps in obedience, and a place where God was front and center to it all.  Sure we cared about the details that would make women feel loved - the leather bookmarks with the word ablaze burned on them, the blankets draped across pew backs, Swiss orange chocolate coffee from Barn Happy, the popcorn bar, homemade pie, and signature IF logo stamped on hundreds of brown coffee sleeves... but the event itself quickly became the backdrop as we desired so much more than a two day conference.  We wanted God to move; to stir something up in every sweet soul there, and wanted to be intentional with encouragement and opportunities for brave next steps to keep those sparks lit up after the lights of the weekend dimmed and everyday life set back in.

IF God is real, then what...

The last two IF:Gatherings have been instrumental in my walk with Jesus.  In fact, I was nervous to be on the planning side of the conference this year for fear I wouldn't be able to participate and take away as much compared to years' past.  But if I've learned anything the past two years it's not to underestimate our God.  My vantage point this year not only allowed me to take in the conference, but to use my gifts to serve and love on so many other women.  It became more about them and less about me.  I guess I wasn't expecting to feel so much joy from serving, but it only seemed fitting that God would give me the opportunity to share so much of what I love about IF with others, many who were there getting it all for the first time.  Whether it was holding a baby so a young mom could eat lunch, passing around loaves of bread for women to break and pass around their table, or carrying plates for the sweet spiritual mamas who loved on us and made us cry with their words of encouragement, it was a joy to serve and experience God's goodness and power through their experiences.  

God showed me some fruit this weekend, evidence of what two years of obedience looks like.  He showed me through Melissa and Katy, two dear friends from our IF:Table that started two years ago.  This was their first year of IF:Gathering and it was a joy to watch God fill them up.  He showed me through my sweet college girls.  We had over twenty of them come, half of them from the life group that meets at our house.  They were there all weekend and I could have listened to them process their thoughts, pray together, and take brave steps of faith for days.  He showed me through my team of IF Cedar Valley girls, six of the seven of them I barely knew six months ago and now call them dear friends.  They chase God and love others well.  Watching them use their gifts in their own unique ways was inspiring and empowering.  It seemed all the things God has weaved through my life the past two years came to a head this weekend.  A true picture of what life could look like if we all linked arms and ran this race together. 

     

The conference itself was once again amazing.  I had something important to learn from each speaker, and felt on fire, deeply convicted, and a little tied up in knots at various times throughout the two days.  Christine Caine brought me to tears Friday night with her deep rooted truths and uncomfortable conviction.  I had never heard her speak before and Deedra told me to buckle my seat belt.  By the time she was over and tears were literally running down my face, she put her arm around me and said, "fan of Christine Caine, huh?"  Jo Saxton's teaching on being stuck in the middle was easy to relate to and resonated with so many.  Bianca's spicy delivery and beautiful picture of Paul's praises in prison left me undone.  Katie Davis Majors and her unbelievable story of moving to Uganda as a 20 year old, remaining faithful every day, and feeling called to adopt 13 Ugandan girls from an orphanage made me realize the power of everyday faithfulness and being brave.  Annie Downs reminded me that sometimes, discipleship is just simply watching someone dance.  And of course, Jennie Allen reminded me that God doesn't need any of us to carry out His great plan of redemption.  He chose us to be part of His plan because He loves us and delights in using us. 
       

Monday, I carved out some time in my day to process everything.  I read through my notes, rewatched teachings, and reflected on the things that made me feel alive, as well as the things that felt a little heavy.  I sorted them all out, uncovered some themes, and determined some good next steps to take.  I've learned this process is vitally important to move beyond just the feelings that surface and actually put them into action.  I've had the opportunity to hear what God has left on several different hearts since IF and I love that He speaks to each of us differently, all beautiful and powerful and personal to where He has us.  

Here is what I was left with after my weekend at IF:Gathering 2018

1. God wants our faith and obedience

"But be doers of the word and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.  Because if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like someone looking at his own face in a mirror.  For he looks at himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of person he was.  But the one who looks intently into the perfect law of freedom and perseveres in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer who works - this person will be blessed in what he does."  (James 1: 22-25)

The word obedience gets a bad wrap because it sounds like we actually have to put effort forth to follow Christ.  The speakers at IF talked so much about our generation and the world we live in today as Christians.  Jennie Allen referred to us as a "half hearted world."  Vivian Mabuni said it's like we're vacuuming without the cord plugged in, doing the motions without the source.  Ann Voscamp said our flames have been put out because we're drinking the sludge of approval, self-image, and the opinions and agendas of others.  And as each shared the issues facing many of us today, they shared ways to rise above the very things pulling us away from this obedience.  Daily Bible time.  Daily prayer time.  Communities of people after the same thing.  Living more with our actions instead of our mouths.  Our flame doesn't just flare up on its own, and it takes active, everyday desire and discipline to fan our flame.  

There are days when I feel half-hearted.  There are days when I feel like I'm going through the motions without an energy source.  And there are days when I'm very much caught up in the sludge of this world.  But I know these things because I also know what it's like to be on the other side, too.  To feel free and on fire.  To really feel like I'm living as a new creation, set apart and on mission for God's kingdom instead of this world.   When I fix my eyes on Him, and practice daily disciplines to know Him and seek Him throughout my days, He gets louder.  And through that everyday faithfulness, I start to see a bigger picture of His purpose for me and His good plan for my life.  God showed me the fruit of some new obedience this weekend and it will serve as a fuel for moving forward.     

2. I want my life to be a living testimony

One of the many reasons I was so impacted by the words of Christine Caine is because she used my year's verse as the focus for her teaching.  She talked about endurance and said following Jesus is far more a marathon than a sprint.  She said she hoped her "testimony" isn't that one time she decided to believe in the gospel, but a lifetime of choosing a life with Him.  God has placed us and positioned us here, and given us the baton of faith to run with and join Him in His work to disciple His people.  There is no such a time as this.

The verse in Hebrews doesn't say we are surrounded by a great cloud of spectators.  It's a completely different ballgame to get out of the grandstand and run the race.  But this race takes endurance, spiritual muscle to withstand the long haul, and a lot of skinned knees and exhausted spirits along the way.  But.  Yet.  The finish line is too good to not lace up those shoes and hit the pavement.  

Perhaps my favorite part of the entire weekend of IF was the intimate volunteer worship Jess organized for forty or so volunteers.  She asked a few different people to speak to us, people who have discipled her throughout her life.  Two of them, Tim and Kris Boettger, spoke to us from the book of 2 Timothy, but said so much more through their actions and words about each other.  Tim talked about his wife and said that every morning for as long as he can remember, he wakes up early and finds her already at the kitchen table, reading her Bible and writing in her journal.  Then every day, she passes on some sort of her learning, a scripture verse, prayer, or note of encouragement, to him and their two college-age kids through a text.  He talked about her living testimony, and cried as he looked at her.  And then he looked at us and said that women of God are strong, faithful, full of grace, and full of love.  He said we will change the world in our churches, our workplaces, and around our kitchen tables by simply choosing God and choosing the people in our lives.  

Like Kris, I want my life to be a living testimony.    

3. I have a deep yearning for change and want women to throw flames

Many people resonated with Jo Saxton's message about being stuck in the middle.  When we're in the middle, it's hard to see what we should be able to see and we can become a little asleep to it all.  

I was in the middle two years ago.  I know it because life feels different now.  I'm on the track, running the race.  I may still be running with chains around my ankles, but I feel the wind in my hair and the adrenaline in my bones.  And I long for that for everyone!  

But with this yearning, I'm seeing myself struggle with loving people well.  I am easily let down and take things personally.  I struggle to know how to give grace while also loving with truth.  I easily feel like Paul, bruised, beat down, and unseen, but struggle to put my own ego aside and put peoples' needs in front of my own.  I want to encourage women and not push them away.  I want to offer grace and understanding, but not have to suppress my own self in order to do so.  This one leaves my stomach tied up in knots, but I'm praying for maturity and understanding along the way.

4. Live free and BE BRAVE

It's amazing how much I still let the world determine my steps.  I listened to speaker after speaker share the gospel and speak with conviction, and I realize I am still after the approval of others.  I loved when Rebekah Lyons said, "Whatever it is that Satan is using to bring you down, rise up and let God take care of it."  And how do I do that?  Through God's word.  I loved Bianca Olthoff's passion for the Bible, especially through the eyes of Paul.  In 2 Timothy 2:9, Paul writes: "I suffer to the point of being bound like a criminal.  But the word of God is not bound."  God's word is what He's left us, and it has not lost its flavor.  It alone can set us free.

"If you continue in my Word, you really are my disciples.  You will know the truth and the truth will set you free." 

(John 8:32)

There you have it.  Three years of IF:Gatherings, and three years of running on mission.  Skinned knees, but a wildfire burning in my heart.