I’ve decided three things about my baby boy today. Either he is strong-willed and stubborn, laid-back and content, or a planner like his mom. There just has to be a reason he is staying put past his due date! It’s beautiful outside and I personally think it would be a lovely day for a birth. This baby, however, seems to think otherwise…
Or maybe this is God’s way of teaching Beau and I, the soon-to-be parents, a few things. Patience is a difficult virtue to have, especially when our ‘patience’ has been running on empty since about the time that crib was finished. Or more importantly, I think He is teaching me to be prepared to handle the lack of control I will soon feel as a parent. Although I can indeed plan what is taught in my classroom, how clean my house is, and what I am bringing along to the hospital, there are some, more important things that are simply out of my control. Such is parenting. Such is life.
Today, and every day in between, is a bit of a test for me. A test of my attitude, to remain positive even though I am simply sick of staring at the stretch marks in the mirror every morning, sick of wearing the same two pair of pants, and sick of rolling from side to side in the middle of the night. This is time for me to soak in the little moments with Beau, the last little moments of being two.
Last night, we decided to move our neighborhood walk to a new location. We drove to Pipac Lake, a really pretty area west of town. We walked and walked and walked until it got dark outside and my effortless stride evolved to a full-on waddle. I was determined to walk until the baby came out; however, he didn’t. And probably for good reason. Instead of being so bound and determined to play God in this pregnancy, I needed to instead focus on the small things about that walk. The warmth of Beau’s hoodie over my head. The way the sun set directly over the lake and created this perfectly calm sparkle of golds, and blues, and greens. The soft sounds of the ducks wading in the lake. And my husband, bless his heart, for trying to figure out his place within the next few days of this pregnancy. I love him desperately for everything he is, and everything he is trying to be as he, too, tries to figure out what it means to be a dad...
Last night, I spent some time looking at my pictures from last year at this time. Pictures of short shorts, tailgates, and late nights. It’s so funny that a year ago, I was excited about scoring the purple and gold cans of Bud Light for UNI tailgates, and this year, excitement involves the dilation of my cervix. Life is changing and sometimes, I’m moving too fast to even realize it.
I know that soon, I will have a difficult time remembering what these last few weeks were like. Soon, my mind will be consumed by breast-feedings, sleep patterns (or lack thereof), and a little baby completely dependent on us. Because of this, this week is about slowing down and breathing. About another marathon walk in the park, a bubble bath, and an early bedtime.
I can make it. I will rock 40 weeks.
And we will continue to work on our labor faces. I'd say Beau has some work to do...
Hi peanut,
We've made it to 38 weeks, less than two weeks from my due date. I'm getting more and more prepared, more and more anxious to see you, hold you, and try my hand at this new mommy thing. About a week ago, I decided it was time for you to come out. I had waited long enough, had been pregnant long enough, and it was time to get on with things. I would say I'm usually a pretty patient person; however, I once heard that 'patience is the art of hoping,' and well, I was really hoping for a baby this week!
After today's appointment, however, I learned that it's really not up to me when this whole birth thing happens. Weekly doctor's appointments are so much fun, as I wait in anticipation all week to see how much closer we are to D-day. I like to call this 'cervical suspense.' Today's appointment, however, was like one of those really suspenseful movies that ends about 10 minutes too soon. The ones where you stay in the theater a little longer, watching all the credits, hoping the director will turn around and yell, 'Gotcha!' before revealing another, more satisfying ending.
What I learned at my appointment today is that you are warm, snuggly, and content exactly where you are. I'm not sure if it was the meal at Texas Roadhouse last weekend, or the dreary weather we've been having lately, but you are showing no strong signs of wanting to exit the ute anytime soon. This is okay, as I've always envisioned an October baby, and have final work to complete at school; however, let's not get too carried away, deal? I mentioned I was a patient person; however, your daddy is terrible at waiting. In fact, he would like to remind you that he would really prefer a buddy to watch football with this weekend. And the Bears have looked quite impressive so far this season!
Other news to report from this side of the ute? Your momma has been a little emotional lately, my belly button is now half in, half out, and new shows started on TV this week. Fall is in full swing in the Jorgensen household, with a Pepsi roast in the crockpot, a squash on the countertop, and mums planted outside. I ordered you a Halloween costume last night and can't wait to see you in it.
As I wait in suspense for another week to go by, I want you to know how incredibly loved you are. You have given our lives a whole new meaning and for that, I can wait. Your birth day will be here soon enough and until then, it's about savoring the last few days of carrying you, feeling you move, and having your sweet little companionship with me always.
I love you, always and forever...
Mom
The three of us, 38 weeks pregnant. Your dad is a goof ball.
