Sleeping...

In my own fairytale world, I expected the first night home with Cruz would be something out of a commercial for Disney World.  You know the one.  The young couple cuddles up and watches their baby softly sleep in a dimly lit room, the reflection of the Walt Disney Castle glowing through a picture window.  Calming, peaceful, and serene. 

Completely unrealistic. 

It's all a matter of expectations.  Beau thought our first night went well.  I thought it was something to the effect of taking a bad hallucinogen before bed.  I'm used to getting a good seven to eight hours of sleep a night, and three hours was a bit of a shock to my system.  We basically took shifts, caught up on our DVR, and held a sleeping Cruz.  The problem was not in his lack of sleep, but in our lack of knowledge of how to get him to sleep in a place other than our two arms.  When I was on Cruz duty, Beau could fall asleep before his head hit the pillow.  When Beau was on Cruz duty, I laid wide awake, listening for sounds of a baby, as well as the beat of my own heart in my chest.  It was a weird night, a night I'm sure other first-time parents can completely relate to. 

At one time in the night, I believe around 4 o'clock in the morning, I went in the living room to see how Beau was doing.  Sound asleep in the recliner as Swamp People played in the background on TV, I took Cruz from Beau and told him to go to bed.  As he got up from his sleep bender, one eye a little cocked, he glanced down at the recliner and in horror, shouted, "What is that?" pointing to a sleeve of my gray sweater that had been left on the seat. 

"Just my sweater." I replied to my half-awake husband.

As he came to, he realized that it indeed was my sweater, not a pile of poo that he thought Cruz had left behind.  Hallucinogen, I'm telling you.

Yes, sleep has taken on a whole new meaning in the Jorgensen household.  Sleep is now defined by a "good hour's" instead of a good "night's."  Nights two and three were already overwhelmingly better than night one.  Cruz has even decided his crib is as comfy as it looks.  Last night, Beau and I shared a double high-five when we woke up and realized our little nut had been sleeping soundly in his bed for two hours.  It's the little things now, baby.   

No matter how scattered or zombie-like our nights have been this week, nothing is more worthwhile than staring into the face of our little peanut.  Snuggling him in tight between us as we welcome the morning sun into our room on a Saturday morning.  Picking him up from his crib in the middle of the night and rocking him back to sleep as the sounds of Death Cab for Cutie and Van Morrison play in the background.  Listening to him breathe deeply against my chest as I catch up on Dancing with the Stars at two o'clock in the morning.  Staring into his sweet little face and smelling the top of his head after he gets done eating and goes comatose on my chest.  The accomplished feeling of waking up to realize your baby has been sleeping on his own, in his crib, for a solid two hours.  Life has definitely changed, but it's taken on this softer, sweeter meaning for us as a family.  It's the little things now, baby.
   

Everything that is Cruz

We made it.  Last Friday at this time, I was recovering from a meltdown at school, feeling sorry for myself, and looking forward to a pajama night with Beau.  Last Friday, at this time, I was anxiously, nervously, and impatiently waiting the arrival of the baby that had been filling my womb, my heart, and my mind for 41 weeks.  Baby J.  The center of this blog and the center of our world. 

This Friday, Beau and I sit in the living room, listening to the soft swish-swish-swish of the mobile swing that currently has our newborn baby in a sleepy trance.  Every time we get up, we ask each other what the other needs, or do it without asking.  A refill of water.  A remote we can't reach.  A cell phone.  Things that a week ago, we'd get ourselves without thinking for a second about the other.  We've already developed a new kind of relationship, a new kind of support system that leans instead of leads.  It's just one of the pretty cool things that's happened to us since last Friday night...

I'm not ready to write the full on details of Tuesday, October 12, 2010, the day the Cruz Bennett entered our lives.  It was a day that is going to take at least a week to sink in.  I've been journaling since about the details and moments that I cannot let myself forget and hope to write a birth story, so stay tuned.  In the meantime...

My life has changed.  It's Friday night.  On a typical Friday night in the past, Beau and I might be headed to see friends and pour pitchers at Mulligans, or stay in and crack open a bottle of wine and partake in a two-hour cooking spree and long, drawn out meal at the table, a meal with candles, good conversation, googly eyes, and placemats.  Yes, placemats. 

Tonight, I am having my first glass of wine.  Wine shared with an amazing meal delivered by amazing friends.  Wine accompanied with a spit-up stained tank top, a less-than-five minute makeup job, and a hospital bracelet still attached to my wrist (Beau and Cruz have not removed theirs either).  I danced around the house with my breasts exposed because accomplishment now does not happen in the number of items I cross off a 'to-do' list, but in the fact that my milk came in today without me going hormonally crazy.  The 'nesting' that occurred before Cruz has now turned into a shove-it-here, hide-it-there technique.  Beau laughed about the lack of modesty pregancy, labor, and delivery have given me, as I breast-fed in front of the picture window every time today.  Yes, life has changed, but at the same time, I've never known this kind of happiness before.  This level of contentment, of peace, of love.  I'm enjoyin' this new skin of mine.  And speaking of skin...

I thank Jesus for everything that is Cruz. 

For the way his face looks when I feed him...his little scrunched up nose and focused eyes, the complete and utter trance my momma juice puts him into, and the way he snuggles up, all limp and bundled into my chest afterwards. 

For his little bare chest, the way it moves up-and-down, up-and-down, up-and-down as he breathes, and the soft little coo he makes at the end of a deep breath as he falls into a peaceful sleep. 

For the way he smells after a bath.  My nose is constantly affixiated to the top of his head!

For the way he snuggles up on his daddy's chest and the lump that forms in my throat as I watch.

For the sense of accomplishment I feel after one more changed diaper. 

For the way his eyes perk up as he hears his momma's voice.

For the way his hair hangs over the back of his neck, gently sweeping across the backs of his sleepers.

For the way his cheek feels against mine when I kiss him all the time.

For his sparkly blue eyes that look just like my husband's.  Check that, everything Cruz looks like my husband.

For the way he looks right before he's about to cry.  His entire face gets into it, from the wrinkles that appear on his forehead, to his scrunched up nose, defined eyebrow bones, and dimple in his chin.

We are loving this little man in our lives.  When I look at him, it seems utterly impossible that he was forming inside of me for 10 months and now, he's a living, breathing soul depending on us.  He's brought such a peace to our lives.

That's all for tonight.  I have so much to say and so much to write, but for now, there are sounds coming from swing...

Happy Friday, and Happy Weekend. 

My future...

I never knew life could feel so complete...

By staring into one little face. 

Welcome to our world, Cruz Bennett. 

More to come!

Oh Happy Fall, Oh Happy Baby

Well, we're getting close.  We went to the doctor today and got to see our little boy via 'baby skype.'  He looked like a little buddha baby, all squashed and pouty-faced.  His cheeks looked so chubby, they were almost resting on his chest!  This was my fourth ultrasound and it's been so funny to track how much more space babies take up as they get bigger.  Today, I thought Baby J seemed so much bigger than four weeks ago; his foot today was the size of his entire body at 20 weeks.  He looks healthy and his stats were good.  Beau and I left the cozy little ultrasound room for the last time relieved and more than ready to meet our little man.  
 
I know I keep saying it, but this whole pregnancy thing is so surreal. I’ve carried this little peanut inside of me for 41 long weeks and for the most part, pregnancy has been magical. I’ve walked (and now waddled) with this newly defined purpose for my life and most of the time, I’ve felt like I was floating. I completely understood and relished in the pregnancy ‘glow.’ I soaked my baby bump in the heat of summer, waded in kiddie pools, and dressed in clothes that accentuated my newest and greatest feature.

All along, I knew this baby was going to eventually come out. And just like that, I would be a mom. Today, however, as I scour the internet attempting to find out what a contraction feels like, it’s begun to sink in that in a matter of hours or days, I will get to experience giving birth. The thought alone makes my mind go a little numb.

I remember feeling this way before getting married too. We planned and planned this day I’d been thinking and dreaming about for so long, and days before, the true reality of what you are about to do sinks it. It’s exciting and scary, magical and a bit incomprehensible.  

This weekend has been just what I needed.  Feeling a little sorry for myself yesterday morning, my husband decided he would forgo his day of football in order to relieve my impatient mind of another day of aimlessly cleaning, blogging, or worst of all, thinking too much.  Since my hopes of making it to the Mississippi River are slowly vanishing for the season, we created our own little day of exploration.  We drove with the windows down, munched on Jonagold apples from an orchard by Denver, hiked through Hartman Reserve (which is absolutely gorgeous this time of year), and stopped at every little park we could find to scope out the playground facilities.  We found places in Cedar Falls we never knew existed.  We stopped for burgers at Toads, took pictures of pretty trees, and I finally persuaded Beau to start The Hunger Games Trilogy.  Did I mention he's somewhat of a reading prodigy?  He started reading at about 6:00 and by midnight, he was almost finished with the 350 pager.  I am on page 80 of the sequel; however, stopped to watch Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters.  I love, and hate, how fast he reads.  

The hours are ticking away and pretty soon, I will get to see, touch, and kiss the cheek of this little boy that's changed our lives.  I'm a little scared, but so excited I can hardly stand it.  

My cup runneth over.  
 

 

Five Little Meatloaves Sitting on a Plate...

There was a pound of hamburger in the fridge that really needed to be used.  So, this morning, I made mini meatloaves to freeze and eat after Baby J arrives.  I started with six, but five seemed to fit on the plate better.

They are delicious.  I surprisingly had one for lunch, with a Honeycrisp apple on the side.

Mini Meatloves...

1 egg
3/4 cup milk
1 cup shredded cheddar
1/2 cup quick cooking oats
1 tsp. salt
1 1/2 pound hamburger
2/3 cup ketchup
1/4 cup packed brown sugar
1 tsp. prepared mustard

1.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2.  In a large bowl, mix egg, milk, cheddar, oats, and salt.  Add the ground beef, mixing well, and form the mixture into six individual loaves.  Place these in a lightly greased, 9x13" baking dish. 
3.  In a separate bowl, combine ketchup, brown sugar, and mustard.  Spread evenly over mini loaves. 
4.  Bake, uncovered, at 350, for 45 minutes. 

Your Pregnant Mind at Forty-One Weeks...FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!

I didn't want to blog about 41 weeks.  I really didn't.  But, this has probably been the most humorous, sporadic, impatient, and off-the-wall week of my life...my hormones are out of control!  So...it's only important I document.  Someday, I will look back on this crazy week with a smile on my face...

...someday!

So...21 things to remember about being 41 weeks pregnant!

1.  You love when people ask the 'When are you due?' question.  You feel so accomplished when you get to say, "____ days ago."

2.  In Hy-Vee the other night, you actually told Beau that the first thing you want to eat post-baby is a bologna sandwich.  And maybe wash it down with a Michelob Lime...

3.  Friday was the worst day of school ever.  I gave three students detentions (I never give detentions), took away two cell phones, actually pulled the line, "I am not getting up from my chair today," and cried after the students left for the day. 

4.  You want to cry every time someone comments on 'how big' you are getting. 

5.  You've actually asked Beau if it would be possible to push the baby out by pressing firmly on the top of your belly.

6.  You get really mad when women find it their duty to tell you how horrific their labor was.  Spare me the details...Lord knows there's already enough going through my mind right now!

7.  You feel like a failure in the fact that you haven't induced your own labor.  You've tried all the Old Wive's Tales with no luck, and have determined that they are indeed, Old Wive's Tales. 

8.  Your baby is about to arrive in the middle of one of the prettiest Octobers we've ever had.  Nothing more than a trace of rain, and above average temps. all month.  Yesterday was 88 degrees in Waterloo.  We broke records.  Last year on this day, we had snow. 

9.  Yesterday, while walking on a path at George Wyth, you almost stepped on a snake.  You screamed, jumped, then winced in pain at the sudden and unexpected movement your body just endured.  Beau said it looked smooth, especially since I was wearing his  oversized t-shirt, mesh shorts, and $5 Target moccasins. 

10.  I've been highly annoyed by my cat this week.  She's overcome any attempts I've made to lock her in the basement, and her meow has taken on a couple of new octaves. 

11.  You love the supportive, often humorous facebook comments you receive on a daily basis.  The newest one, from a mom of one of my students says...

"Kathy's right. The moment he shows up, each of you become second behind him. Look at each moment as the last time its just the two of you.........alright now that you have tried that as though it matters...EAT SOMETHING SPICY AND GET ON WITH IT!"

Thanks for the laugh, Robin! 

12.  After two years of a broken water softener, I've decided I'm sick of hard water spots on my shower.  Beau just returned from Blaine's with 300 pounds of softener salt.

13.  I've been practicing my waddle-hiding strategies when in public.  I have a ways to go.

14.  Friday night, I got 12 hours of sleep.  Nine to nine.  It was the latest I slept in for a really long time.  It was heaven.

15.  I secretly love waking Beau up in the middle of the night to tell him he is snoring.  After he realizes I am not going into labor, he sighs, pouts a little, and rolls over.  

16.  It's easy for me to get irritated with the male species lately.  Was it fair that on Wednesday night, I graded papers and moved laundry with swollen feet while my husband shared great conversation and a few cold ones with a friend on a beautiful night?  I certainly did not think so!

17.  The other night, when I turned down Beau's offer to grill me a steak for probably the 30th time since getting pregnant, he asked what I wanted for supper.  I replied, "a baked potato and a glass of chocolate milk."  

Beau had a ribeye.  I had a potato.  

18.  I've had one Honeycrisp apple every day for the last month.    

19.  I honestly can't remember what it's like to not be pregnant.

20.  10-10-10.  Beau used to say this would be such a great day for a birthday, and I would always reply, "I hope I don't make it that long."  Oh...irony!

21.  My 41 week picture.  I feel (and look) big.  

Come on, Baby J.  Come on, Baby J.  Come on, Baby J.  

 

Musings from an Overdue Momma - Part II

Well...the car seat is (sort of) secured in the backseat of the Kia.  The blue pack 'n play that matches our bedroom set now sits directly beside our bed, currently occupied by a stuffed donkey and giraffe.  My bags are packed, zipped, and ready to go, and the fridge and pantry are fully stocked with after-baby essentials.  We are ready.  

We have been ready.  

For the last three weekends, I've been telling myself it would be the last weekend before baby.  The last weekend to spend together as two, and the last weekend to prepare to bring a 'little' home to our lives.  I've taken full advantage of these weekends, soaking up the pretty transition to fall, cooking my favorite comfort foods, and cleaning the cracks of my window sills with toothpicks and q-tips.  The nesting has been out of control, we've taken numerous trips to Sam's Club and Hy-Vee, and we filled our deep freeze with foods to keep us alive while we attempt to keep our brand new being alive. 

And, now, five days post-due date, on 10-10-10, I sit and wait.  I have acquired a whole new respect for women who have babies after their scheduled due date.  Women who have put their time in, relished in that pregnancy glow, and taken care of their baby bumps for 40 long weeks, only to have to wait some more.  And I'm not sure if it's in my pregnant little mind or not, but my physical shape, emotional state, and mental attitude have become begrudgingly worse since D-Day... 

Monday night, the night before Baby J was due, Beau and I walked around Pipac Lake, grabbed a pizza, and enjoyed the beautiful night together.  I think we walked two miles and if it wasn't for the sun setting, I could've walked more.  My superwoman attitude was on a high that night and I was ready to have this baby.  

Then, Tuesday, my due date.  I walked through school all day, hoping people would ask when my exact due date was, only so I could announce 'today.'  I felt good, but as the hours passed and I had yet to feel anything 'labor,' I grew increasingly impatient and frustrated.  Our walk that night turned into about half of its usual route, as I started feeling a shooting pain on the right side of my lower back and back side.  The pain gave me a full-on waddle similar to the ones seen in movies.  

Wednesday, the night of the 'alien.'  I was exhausted after school and decided a walk was completely out of the question.  I had a mountain of papers to grade and moved from the recliner, to the kitchen table, to the bed, attempting to find a position that was comfortable.  After I sat in bed, it started.  Baby J was seriously trying to escape.  I watched in fascination (and winced in pain), as his feet kicked into my ribs and whatever organ rests on my left side.  He kicked so hard, it almost felt like he could puncture a hole through my flesh.  At times, I could feel him literally stretch his entire body, from his head, to his arms, to his toes.  It was super uncomfortable and it took him hours to settle down.  I knew at this moment, my little guy was as sick of his current state as I was of mine.  If only he could figure out how the heck to get out!

Thursday, Friday, Saturday... sporadic contractions (I tried timing them three different times, only to end up scribbling a hate message across my notepad), walks with the determination of inducing labor, marshmallow popcorn and a heating pad, and washed sheets, a warm bath, and a lot of prayers.  Everyone is rooting for Baby J's arrival today, 10-10-10; however, the minutes are ticking away and I have a feeling this baby is only coming via induction.  

Today's agenda...a little walk and a whole lot of feet up.  Maybe I can finish The Hunger Games Trilogy before Baby J even arrives!

Musings of an Overdue Momma...

I’ve decided three things about my baby boy today. Either he is strong-willed and stubborn, laid-back and content, or a planner like his mom. There just has to be a reason he is staying put past his due date! It’s beautiful outside and I personally think it would be a lovely day for a birth. This baby, however, seems to think otherwise…

Or maybe this is God’s way of teaching Beau and I, the soon-to-be parents, a few things. Patience is a difficult virtue to have, especially when our ‘patience’ has been running on empty since about the time that crib was finished. Or more importantly, I think He is teaching me to be prepared to handle the lack of control I will soon feel as a parent. Although I can indeed plan what is taught in my classroom, how clean my house is, and what I am bringing along to the hospital, there are some, more important things that are simply out of my control. Such is parenting. Such is life.

Today, and every day in between, is a bit of a test for me. A test of my attitude, to remain positive even though I am simply sick of staring at the stretch marks in the mirror every morning, sick of wearing the same two pair of pants, and sick of rolling from side to side in the middle of the night. This is time for me to soak in the little moments with Beau, the last little moments of being two. 

Last night, we decided to move our neighborhood walk to a new location. We drove to Pipac Lake, a really pretty area west of town. We walked and walked and walked until it got dark outside and my effortless stride evolved to a full-on waddle. I was determined to walk until the baby came out; however, he didn’t. And probably for good reason. Instead of being so bound and determined to play God in this pregnancy, I needed to instead focus on the small things about that walk. The warmth of Beau’s hoodie over my head. The way the sun set directly over the lake and created this perfectly calm sparkle of golds, and blues, and greens. The soft sounds of the ducks wading in the lake. And my husband, bless his heart, for trying to figure out his place within the next few days of this pregnancy. I love him desperately for everything he is, and everything he is trying to be as he, too, tries to figure out what it means to be a dad...

Last night, I spent some time looking at my pictures from last year at this time. Pictures of short shorts, tailgates, and late nights. It’s so funny that a year ago, I was excited about scoring the purple and gold cans of Bud Light for UNI tailgates, and this year, excitement involves the dilation of my cervix. Life is changing and sometimes, I’m moving too fast to even realize it.

I know that soon, I will have a difficult time remembering what these last few weeks were like. Soon, my mind will be consumed by breast-feedings, sleep patterns (or lack thereof), and a little baby completely dependent on us. Because of this, this week is about slowing down and breathing.  About another marathon walk in the park, a bubble bath, and an early bedtime.  

I can make it.  I will rock 40 weeks. 

And we will continue to work on our labor faces.  I'd say Beau has some work to do...

Dear pumpkin...

Baby J,

Well, it's official.  Here we sit just one day before your due date, aka, supposed-to-be-birthday.  October 5.  A day that's been circled on our calendar and etched in our minds for forty long weeks.  Will you actually be born on your due date, well, that is up for debate.  According to statistics, only 5% of babies actually arrive on their due date.  Not too promising, especially for a woman who just returned from the doctor's office with not a whole lot to report.  If you hold out for another week, we get a skype date on Monday and a likely induction to follow.  The good news?  My doctor, who I love, will probably deliver you if you go that long.  The bad news?  Another week without you here.  Another week of waiting.     

Since I've never done this whole pregnancy/labor/delivery thing, I'm feeling a little perplexed today.  I'm a studier.  I like to be as prepared as possible for the unexpected, whether it be teaching in the classroom, packing a suitcase, or going to a foreign place.  This whole pregnancy thing is about as foreign as it gets, yet, I feel as underprepared as I can possibly feel.  I'm learning that although it is nice to have the floor mopped, the pantry stocked, and clothes put away before I go into labor, none of that really matters in the end.  What matters is a healthy baby, a healthy momma, and a strong epidural ;). 

I know I’ve been saying it throughout my pregnancy, but yesterday was surreal. It was just one of those days. It was the weekend before my due date. The past few weekends have been special, as they’ve been spent at home for fear of traveling too far from the hospital. I’ve had lots of time to prepare, to reflect, and most importantly, to cherish these final little moments of your dad and I. Although we are both more than ready to welcome you into our lives, I know in the end, the last few weeks of waiting have been time I will look back on and be thankful for.

Yesterday was beautiful outside. It was cool in the morning, but gradually reached a temperature perfect for breathing in the fresh air of fall. Mom, Dad, and Taylor stopped by in the afternoon and after the boys went to Lowes, Mom and I sat outside together. I laid in the grass and we watched my tummy shift from side to side, took some belly pictures, and dreamed about a little boy, dressed in blue, wrapped in cozy knits, lying on a blanket beside us. We talked about so much, but mainly, we soaked in the sun and soaked in the utter disbelief of a new baby about to join our family.

Later, after they went home, after I sat in my recliner to watch my routine Sunday night TV, I stopped and thought about how completely ‘un-routine’ my life is right now. I thought about the afternoon, about my talk with Mom, and my simple moment outside watching you squirm and nudge from side to side. I’ve had so many emotions throughout this pregnancy and last night was a freight train of them. I felt a little sadness, that soon, I won’t feel your feet push against my tummy. A little fear, wondering if I am strong enough and mature enough to be a mom. Worry, that I have no idea what I’m getting myself into, with labor, delivery, and all that is to come after. Nostalgia, of days spent lying in the grass, talking with mom about simple things like shopping, and homework, and Barbies, and boyfriends. And finally, amazement, of where this life of mine has led and what is soon to come.    

So...all I can do now is trust.  Trust that although we are impatient, a little disappointed, and slightly worried, you will come when the time is right.  Trust that I have a doctor who knows what is best, even if I don't.  Trust that my superwoman strength will surpass my emotional tendencies.  Trust that God will mold my feet into the shoes of motherhood with grace and ease.
   
Happy October.  Happy birth month, Baby J.  I have always loved this month for so many reasons.  I love the weather, the colorful leaves, the soft hoodies and comfy socks, the smells and tastes of comfort food, and the feeling of 'home.'  This year, October will take on a whole new meaning for us.  Soon, we get to meet you.  Soon, we get to bring you home.  Soon, I get to touch that little foot that's been playing hard-to-get for weeks now.  And soon, we get to make you a part of our lives.  Forever.  

Soon, little pumpkin.

P.S. I keep saying that this is the last belly shot I will be taking.  

40 Weeks!

How far along? 40 Weeks

Total Weight Gain? 30 pounds

Maternity Clothes? Thanks to Kelli, I now have some long sleeved maternity shirts to get me by another ‘week’ of school. Turns out, I was really thankful for this as I was leaving my house this morning…brrrrr….

Sleep? I’ve been blessed with great sleep the past few weeks. I’ve been going to bed fairly early every night, which means the nights seem longer and mornings don’t come as quick as they used to.

Symptoms? Unfortunately, not a lot of symptoms to report! Yes, I said unfortunately. I thought I’d be having labor signs by now but if I have, they haven’t been significant enough to report. Some minor cramping here and there, a slight back ache here and there. I know I should be thankful, but come on, Baby, I’m getting impatient!

Cravings? Lots of apples and root beer

Best Moment This Week? Yesterday was a good day. My parents and brother came over and we relaxed all afternoon. I laid in the grass and let the sun soak into my belly.

Least Favorite Moment This Week? Going to school is getting hard. My mind is checked out of the classroom and it’s hard to keep teaching not knowing when my last day will be. I am more than ready to be home with a little baby.  More than ready to be done with maternity clothes, done with nesting, and done with waddling. 

What I Look Forward To? Looking at my baby boy for the first time.

Milestones? Happy D-Day!

Hello, October.

Saturday, Beau and I had breakfast together at Morg's, this fantastic little hole-in-the-wall diner in downtown Waterloo.  It's a big hit with the locals, and, well, after about a decade of calling the Cedar'loo' home, it's about time we start acting like locals.  On a typical morning, there's a line standing outside of Morg's.  Today was a typical morning.  To eat a little sooner, we sat at the bar facing the open kitchen and watched the staff fry eggs to perfection, pour pancake batter into plate-sized portions, and roast pot after pot of java.  We sat in sweatpants and shared each other's hashbrowns, pancakes, and ham like we did back in college.  It was that sleepy eyed, greasy kind of love you only get sitting in front of a cooler established in 1960.  It was sweet moment, and the biscuits and gravy were delicious.

On the way home, Beau asked what I wanted this weekend.   

"I want soup, cider, and pumpkins...and a baby."  I replied. 

Well, it's Sunday night and I can tell you I got three out of the four.  And I'll bet you can guess which one I didn't quite get accomplished.

Yes, another Sunday night without my little peanut.  Another Sunday night watching the Bears without a little cub snuggled up beside us.  Another Sunday night preparing for another week of school.  The list goes on.  Two days before my due date, anxious doesn't begin to describe how we are feeling right now.  I turned the calendar over to welcome October and saw three little words that completely define this month for us.  Our due date.  I can't believe we've made it to October, the month that will change our little life forever.  If I only knew what day...  

So, although there was no baby this weekend, there was October.

It came in the form of a stockpot of potatoes, celery, and onion boiling on the stovetop.  A hot bowl of potato soup, a cold Sam Adams (for the Beau of course), and some Asiago cheese bread in front of the TV watching the Hawks defeat Joe Pa once again. 

It came in the form of chocolate chip cookies.  Chewy, gooey, chocolate chip cookies that taste like heaven dunked in a glass of milk.

It came in the form of a travel mug filled with homemade cider, a lost offering check, and a banjo and yukalaylee playing All Creatures of Our God & King.  

It came in a walk through a park, a handful of gummy bears, and a visit from family.  

And it came in the form of a pumpkin.  

Maybe two pumpkins.  

October is here and before this month is over, we will have another little person in our lives.  A little baby boy that will change our lives forever.  It's not every day one gets to say that.       

Still waiting...

Dearest content one,

Hi Baby.  Today is September 29, less than one week from your due date.  Today was my last appointment before I will be considered 'overdue.'  Today, I felt like having a baby.  I woke up early, walked two miles on the treadmill (attempting to give you a little bit of a head start before your appointment), and looked forward to going to what I thought would be my last week of school.  There's always an excitement surrounding doctor's appointment days, especially this late in the game.  I was confident I was going to be much closer to having you today than I was last week and even had a weird feeling today might just be the day.  Your birthday.

I wasn't the only one thinking this way.  Your Uncle Gabe sent me a text shortly after 8 am, asking if I was a mom yet.  Your grandma called, reminding me to call her as soon as my appointment was over.  And your dad sent about a dozen text messages throughout the morning hours.  It was difficult to concentrate during my morning classes and I counted down the minutes until 10:20. 

Well, we made a little progress from last week; however, not enough to send me for my hospital bag instead of back to school.  A little discouraged and highly anxious, I left the hospital once again, already looking ahead to next week.  From now on, I'm simply going to plan on you arriving a week overdue...that way, if you come any earlier, it will just be a nice surprise.

Boy, have you been moving lots today.  In fact, at times, especially during lunch with your dad, I even questioned whether I was having contractions.  What was I thinking?  It was probably just you responding to the BEST TENDERLOIN I'VE EVER EXPERIENCED!  Newton's Cafe is legit!  I would have thought that alone would have enticed you to begin your descend to this side of the world.  I guess I was wrong...

What else might entice you?  Well, the house is clean, your room is ready, and the Bears are 3 and 0.  Your dad can't wait to spend Sundays with you and tell you all about his favorite team, and more importantly, you will match!

Whether it's tonight, tomorrow, this weekend, or two weeks from now, know that we are waiting, pacing, and more than ready to welcome and love you right into our lives.  You have already made our lives so exciting and I can't begin to fathom the next chapter.  All I know is that I'm craving...

...listening to a sleeping baby, the little noises you will make, and the way your little head will rest against my chest.

...that distinct, perfectly unique baby smell. 

...baby feet, barefoot or in those tiny baby socks. 

...mornings where the only thing on my 'to-do' list is to hang out with you.  Days where hours spent staring at you becomes the idea of a perfectly accomplished day. 

...hibernating inside as the weather gets colder and the nights get shorter.  I'm dreaming of fires, blankets, and tummy time. 

...the chance to finally get to see the face of this little boy I've been dreaming about for a very long time.

We love you.  Now, come out!  

Your momma. 

39 WEEKS! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!

How far along? 39 Weeks

Total Weight Gain? 29 pounds I think…it’s all starting to run together!

Maternity Clothes? I’m officially out of options. Even though the weather is getting cooler, I keep rocking my summer wardrobe…I refuse to buy a pair of maternity dress pants this late in the game. I’m still wearing my summer flats, but by the end of the day, my swollen feet are half in, half out.

Sleep? I think God knows I need as much sleep as I can get right now. I’ve been sleeping so well lately…going to bed is one of my favorite parts of the day!

Symptoms? My energy level is definitely a roller coaster. Monday night, I was a machine; Tuesday, a zombie. My feet and ankles are swollen by the end of the day; however, nothing terrible. Baby J is officially out of room…when he moves, I can actually make out his body parts. I’ve also had lots of Braxton Hicks, especially after my appointment today. He’s definitely dropped; however, as far as labor signs go, not a whole lot to record!

Cravings? This week, my menu has consisted of Instant Breakfast, lasagna, and apple crisp!

Best Moment This Week? I spoiled myself with a pedicure yesterday after work. I’ve never felt so deserving of one in my life! My feet were swollen, my toe nails were disgustingly long, and the massage chair put me to sleep!

Least Favorite Moment This Week? The thought of planning for another week of school! I didn’t exactly plan on going past my due date!

What I Look Forward To? Going into LABOR and having this BABY!

Weekly Wisdom? Ivory soap under the covers! It’s brilliant! My friend, Amy, recommended this after I was complaining of terrible middle-of-the-night leg cramps. Pop a bar of Ivory under your fitted sheet at the end of the bed and let it work its magic…I haven’t had a leg cramp since!

Milestones? My last appointment before I’m ‘overdue.’ Next Wednesday’s appointment will be one day past my due date! Will I make it to then?!?!?!

A Delicious Crisp

Here is a recipe for the absolute best apple crisp.  It's so good!

-10 cups or approximately 6 apples (depending on the size) - I've used Granny Smith or Honey Crisp and both are great, peeled and thinly sliced
-1 cup sugar
-1 tbsp. flour
-1 tsp. cinnamon
-1/2 cup water
-1 cup Quaker quick cooking oats
-1 cup flour
-1 cup packed brown sugar
-1/4 tsp. baking soda
-1/4 tsp. baking powder
-1 stick of butter, melted

1.  Preheat oven to 350.
2.  Place the sliced apples in a mixing bowl.  In a separate bowl, mix the white sugar, 1 tbsp. flour, and ground cinnamon together and sprinkle over apples.  Pour water evenly over all and toss to coat.
3.  Arrange apples in the bottom of a 9x13 pan.
4.  Combine the oats, 1 cup flour, brown sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and melted butter together.  Crumble evenly over apple mixture.
5.  Bake at 350 degrees for about 45 minutes. 

Serve warm, but store in the fridge for left overs!

A weekend without baby...

This weekend, I celebrated fall.  The first official weekend of fall.  A Saturday filled with an overcast sky, rain showers, and chilly temperatures.  A Sunday of warmth, sunshine, and a distinct, autumn-like scent lingering in the air.  The perfect mix of indoors and outdoors.  The cozy feeling of being trapped inside, followed by a perfectly crisp Sunday of enjoying outside.

This weekend, we celebrated fall without a baby.  We're getting so close and now it seems that every morning, every day, and every night that passes takes on a whole new meaning.  Every night, I go to bed and wonder if it will be the last night I fall asleep without a newborn baby.  Every morning, I go to school and wonder if it will be the last day I see my students for awhile.  And every weekend, I wonder if it will be our last before we have a baby at home.  Soon, this waiting game we've gotten pretty good at playing will turn into the stark realization that it's time to go to the hospital.  Time to have a baby.  Time for our lives to change...forever.

How unbelieveable.  To leave the house, the two of us, and return home as three.  To finally get to see this baby we've been dreaming about for the last forty weeks. To live the reality that has seemed completely surreal for so long.  

So what did we do on this first weekend of fall?  Possibly the last weekend before becoming parents? 

-We slept in.  Listened to the rain do the work outside while we curled up under the covers.  

-We casserole'd'.  A pot of coffee, a couple of Johnson's bakery donuts, and a trip to Fareway for five pounds of hamburger, three pounds of Italian sausage, chicken, and all the essentials to transform our kitchen to a restaurant assembly line.  

We were rock stars.  We had three casseroles made in a little under an hour.  Beau manned the hamburger frying station, and I did the chopping.  A pound of mushrooms for chicken tetrazzini.  Cumin, chili pepper, and a pinch of cayenne for Mexican lasagna.  Egg noodles al dente.  Spaghetti noodles al dente.  Lasagna noodles al dente.  The sounds of Ben Harper could not compete with the smells of the world's best lasagna sauce filling the air.  It was a lot of work, but I remembered how much fun it was to share a kitchen with my husband.  We now have five casseroles in our deep freeze...cross that one off the nesting list!
 

-We saw Inception.  Or did we?  I was so utterly confused afterwards, I couldn't tell you if I was pregnant, in labor, or in some weird kind of dream limbo.  The movie is amazing, however, and for the most part, I was impressed with the fact that my pregnant brain could keep up with the brilliant, abstract mind of Christopher Nolan for almost three hours.  Beau and I went to the 5:15 show, and our supper became a large popcorn, a Cherry Coke, some Milk Duds, Butterfingers, and Hot Tamales.  The best movie dates are the ones where you remember to stop by Walgreens for cheap candy!  It was a perfect night for a cozy movie theater, followed by a couple of belly aches!    

-I baked.  One of my favorite ways to define the season of fall is by eating tremendous amounts of Honeycrisp apples.  It's a good thing they are only in season a short time, as $1.99 per pound is a bit pricey; however, they are well worth it in my mind.  This morning, I woke up early and baked a pan of apple crisp and monkey bread.  It was one of those mornings where I wish I could have slowed time and trapped the smells that were coming from the kitchen.  

-Church.  Like everything else, I keep wondering if it will be our last Sunday as two.  Since I've been pregnant, I have sat through church with a solid lump in my throat every Sunday.  It's a guaranteed hour each week that I can sit quietly with Beau and take in the sheer magnitude of the blessing that is growing in my tummy.  I'm in awe, of the One who gave it all.  

Baby J rocked out to the music throughout most of church.  I can't wait to dance with him in my arms!

-We continued to nest.  I swear I've mopped the kitchen floor more in the last few weeks than the last year.  Beau got in on some nesting of his own...let's just say, Jade now has the cleanest litter boxes on the block.  I think he also felt sorry for his baby's mama, as he returned from Hy-Vee with not only kitty litter, but a pretty bouquet of fall flowers.  I'd say they did the trick!

-We walked.  Maybe the longest walk we've went on since 'my condition' (as we like to call it).  I'm not sure if it was the absolutely gorgeous late afternoon weather, or the fact that I was motivated to walk this baby out, but I think I could have kept going.  Sad to say, the only response to our walk was a series of Braxton Hicks.  

Another weekend in the history books.  Another weekend without a baby.  We tried to tell him while we were on a walk that the weather was way better out of the womb; however, I'm learning that this little man will come when he's ready.  So, in the meantime, we will continue to enjoy this time together, time we will probably never really look at the same again.  

Happy Fall.  Happy last week of September.  Happy Baby.