"What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us."
God threw us a party earlier this month called IF:Gathering 2019, and it may have just been my favorite year yet. God used this little gathering (not so little anymore) four years ago as a way to open my heart to the ways He wanted to fill it and four years later it felt like one big overflow of His goodness and grace poured out in abundance. I always have such a hard time processing my thoughts from IF because I never think I can do them justice. But when I take the time to write about my favorite parts of the weekend, I just keep thinking about fruit.
On Saturday in front of 300 women, I had the opportunity to share a small part of my story of how God has used IF in my life the past four years. I was nervous about this, yet so convicted! I spent some time last week reflecting on it all and God brought me to a familiar and favorite scripture passage which also happened to be the focus of a teaching from that very first IF. Using John 15 as my guide, here is a bit of what I had to say:
"My
IF story began in 2016, when I was invited to attend IF:Gathering here at Naz
with a friend of mine. I had no idea
what IF was but was all in for an opportunity to hang out with her for a
weekend. I know I wasn’t expecting to
feel God press into my life as much as He did, but I can honestly say that that
first weekend set off a wildfire in this heart of mine.
I walked in that year with some walls around my heart – wrapped up in my
identity as a mom of young kids, bought into the narrative that I was too busy for
much else in that season, and although I had grown up in the church, I couldn’t
say I was living from a place where my relationship with God was directing my
steps. As a working mom, my weekends
were precious to me and it was hard for me to think of giving up all that
time. But I walked out that weekend
realizing that what was really precious, was investing in my relationship with Him
and that His presence and power in my life could change so much if I let Him
in.
I
remember Susie Davis did a teaching on John 15, and talked about God as a
master gardener weaving Himself into every aspect of mine, shaping me into the
person He created me to be. John 15:4
says “Remain in me, and I in you. Just
as a branch is unable to produce fruit by itself unless it remains on the vine,
neither can you unless you remain in me.
I
know now that God used that IF:Gathering to unlock the power of His Holy Spirit
in my life and I just needed to wake up
to it and to remain in that
truth. And as I gave him more of me, I would
in turn see more of His fruit – both in the world around me and in the deepest
parts of my heart.
So
I guess you could say I started a process of pruning…one step led to another
and before I knew it I couldn’t push Him away because I started to see Him
everywhere!"
Wake up, remain, and see the fruit. That has been so evident in my life the past four years and God used many of the speakers this weekend to remind me of this truth. I loved when Jennie Allen told the story of her son Cooper, adopted from Rwanda when he was just a little boy, "bolting" away from them at the airport because He didn't trust how good it was all going to be on the other side. Through her simple truth, "Just stay, don't bolt," I was reminded of just who our God is. He's the good host who throws a banquet and invites us all to join him at the table. He's the father waiting at the end of the driveway to welcome us home after we've went astray. He's the master potter, ready to take our hands and help us mold our clay messes into something so beautiful. And He's the true vine, desiring to weave Himself on our branches and produce more fruit than we could ever do on our own. I love that every year, IF:Gathering is an opportunity to not only be reminded of who He is, but to get back to Him.
There were years at IF:Gathering when I nearly filled a notebook of notes and thoughts from each session. And if I were to judge my overall experience based on the amount of notes taken, I would have walked away thinking I didn't get much this year. But oh did God ever show Himself at that conference this year. It was a special, celebratory year in so many ways, evidenced in the people there and in my own heart. Here's a little of what I learned this weekend at IF...
1. God is maturing my faith - from one of desiring much input to one of output. This weekend gave me eyes to see so many women around me, and I loved praying for them and witnessing so many of them feel a spark. I loved the bravery of so many women who raised their hands that first night when asked if it was their first time, and loved getting to be a part of registration and hear so many women overcome lots of fear and doubt to get them there. Personal stories from women I love, my sister-in-law Katie and my new friend, Julie, coming pretty much on their own and seeing them take it all in for the first time. I remember so clearly that first IF:Gathering - going home that weekend and having so much on my mind to process. And this year, I had the opportunity to process with Kate at Sunday brunch at Singlespeed, and it was so life-giving to hear her takeaways and next steps. I also continue to be challenged and inspired by the output of so many. Watching women drop off kids and spend an entire day blowing up balloons or wrapping 300 tiny boxes of play-doh, Jess asking five of her friends to surprise us with a meal to bring home to our families Thursday night, baby-sitters who help construct Valentine's boxes, and teachers who remind you that even if time was little short, those precious babes are watching and valuing the gifts you're bringing to the table, were all loud reminders of people just showing up for others. I won't forget it.
2. All that said, I'm realizing God has wired me with a heart that is for women who want to rise! Christine Caine brought the house down again Friday night and I was once again so inspired and challenged from her words. I am most inspired by her themes of making ourselves available to the mission of God, and getting in the race, even if it means we look foolish or go outside what feels easy or comfortable or status quo. I told my small group one night that I appreciate getting hit over the head with truth every so often and in our politically correct, make-every-one-happy, don't-rock-the-boat society, we don't hear these things very often. But when I do, it stirs something in me. And getting to build relationships with other women who desire a similar call to revive our lives and find a little more God at the center of them - that's my jam.
2. Turns out, I kind of love telling my story. I'm a teacher and have always felt a place being amidst of a group of learners. But sharing my story and teaching on my faith is something new and pretty uncomfortable. But you know, God is opening up some windows there, too, and it is something that is both challenging and life-giving to share. It's what we're all called to do in some capacity or another. Discover the ways God has uniquely created you, do your best to use them in the places He's planted you, and share how He's working it all out in the process. I loved getting to tell a small snapshot of that story at IF, and loved teaching a breakout session on community through IF:Table.
4. God is in it all. There were some big awestruck moments this weekend to step back and just marvel at how present God has been through this ministry the past few years. He's been in so many details. Kate and Paulina drove from Pella to share IF with us. They stayed at my house and we got to sip wine and process all the things together, in the real, halfway through the night. 30 college students, many of whom I've gotten to know so well the past few years, showed up with joy and even stayed late to watch the session we had to cut due to time. Kate sandwiched between Sara and Courtney all weekend. Conversations with Danielle and Ashley that extended past IF:Gathering to Sunday night. So many women signed up for next steps and a book study of Jennie Allen, which will bring us right up to a live event with her, right here in Cedar Falls, to kick off Holy Week. Hour conversations with a girl God has for some reason put on my heart. Late night post-IF talks over cheeseburgers and french fries with Jess. When you stand back and see it all, it's hard not to not stand amazed at all He's provided and inspired through this sweet thing called IF.
There it is, IF:Gathering 2019. And a bunch of pictures from my camera, but Jenn W.'s eye.
