I had two conversations with two good friends last week about contentment and I've been thinking about it in my life ever since. I'd like to say I'm typically pretty good at being content. I've never been the type of person to dwell on my past much or set my sights too far in the future, but seem to prefer to be right in my present, doing as much as I can to soak it up and make the most of what's in front of me. But there are times when the contentment bug, or lack thereof, hits me and affects me more than I care to admit. I can best describe discontentment as a void, something about my present that just feels off. I often think of the Apostle Paul describing the "thorn in his side" when he referred to the things that tripped him up. It's that lingering feeling that eats at you and impacts your ability to feel fully present, fully satisfied, fully content.
I'm convinced the feeling of discontentment is widely felt in our society, perhaps more than ever. We have so many mediums that take us out of our current place and give us windows into so many other ways we can spend our days and live our lives. We see glimpses into the lives of others and compare ourselves to them. We are bombarded with opportunities and choices and ideas and struggle knowing where to give our yeses and our nos. We want bigger, better, and more of, and lose interest in things as quickly as the new iphone comes out. It makes me tired just thinking about it and it's no wonder we struggle with contentment. Guilty as charged.
As much as it's easy to see that the contentment bug is widely felt in our day and age, the struggle for contentment is not new. In fact, it's mentioned in the Bible a whole bunch. God instructs us to live a life of contentment and says, "Godliness with contentment is great gain" (1 Timothy 6:6). I think what he's saying here is that living a life with God at the center, and finding joy in the midst of where you're at, is when we gain, and in turn, a discontent life without God at the center is when we lose. I also love that Paul said, "I have learned to be content" (Philipians 4:12), meaning, contentment is an active process, something we can work on or learn as we go. In other words, discontentment is not passive or something that just happens to us, but something we actually have control over. And I guess the key to that growth is that we're growing toward the only true source of our contentment.
I don't think it's a secret that after a week of reflecting about contentment in my own life, God gave me a glimpse of what it should look and feel like this past weekend. We closed out this weekend and I told Beau that it was my favorite way to spend it. I savored so much about it - taking my time getting our outdoor spaces cleaned and ready for summer, enjoying the open French doors in our bedroom and a freshly made bed to crawl into at night, cooking good food and sharing a night around the fire, and spending a Sunday outside with my family, eating pancakes in a cozy booth at Js and picking bluebells and starting an impromptu dance party in the living room during a thunderstorm. I noticed small things I fail to see when I'm caught up in other things - Mila's sweet profile, Cruz's silly but creative attempts to catch flies with plastic cups, and the smell of a grapefruit candle I lit before dinner time, and felt at peace and filled with joy to feel fully in my present. Sometimes, I feel it so much I think my insides could burst. And I'm pretty sure this feeling is contentment.
I'm learning to sink deeply in those moments, both the days of contentment and discontentment, and see what I have to learn about them. Here are a few things I jotted in my journal...
-I feel most content when can I enjoy the experience of doing a simple thing. For instance, not just cooking a meal to feed mouths, but really savoring the process of it all. Turning on some music, lighting a candle, taking time to notice the smells of the chopped cilantro or the sizzle in a pan, is easily a recipe for joy.
-When feeling discontent about something physical, be creative in what you already have. Go to your favorite room or corner in your house and just be in it for awhile. Create a brand new ensemble with items you already have in your closet. Reach out to a friend or family member and make plans to get together or at least share a funny story or memory together.
-Step away from the outside distractions. I've often found that when I'm feeling discontent, I can easily become consumed with "what everyone else is doing." This creates a very distorted view of the world around me and only adds to those negative feelings.
-Write down the gifts. There's research that backs up the positive impact of taking pen to paper and writing down the big and small blessings in your day. It can actually shift your mind from a feeling of lack to a feeling of grateful.
-Positive self talk. I tend to complain or judge before I celebrate or speak with joy. There are people I know who are just so positive and I can't help but think they're probably pretty content, too.
-Do something to bring joy to someone else. Sometimes the best way to stop dwelling in your own world is to put the focus on someone else. Surprise a friend, meet a need, schedule a coffee date.
-Pray and ask God to step into the discontent. I used to get so caught up in trying to determine "God's will" for my life that I think I was missing the point. I'm learning that God's will for my life is more about my heart than my circumstances. True contentment exists in a heart that knows God's presence and purpose is enough, all I need.
This summer, I want to savor what it means to be content. And if there's a good place to start, it's in a field of bluebells with my favorites.
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