On Your First Day of Kindergarten...

All week, I've had this image in my mind of feeding you in the middle of the night when you were just weeks new.  Tucked in our new black leather la-z-boy recliner in the early hours of the morning, when our neighborhood was dark and it seemed you and I were the only two souls up in the entire world, I used to do a lot of thinking during this time.  With motherhood so fresh and new, I remember feeling as if life existed in this little bubble, safe and protected and unaffected by the world outside of us.  Those days weren't easy, full of sleepless nights, poopy diapers, and learning to live inside this new skin of being your mom, but they were simple and sweet and fragile.  If I heard any advice when I became a mom, it was along the lines of how fast the baby stage goes, even if some days seemed anything but that.

There in the dark, with Jimmy Fallon's Late Night on mute so I could hear the sounds of your squeaks as you ate, I used to think about you getting big, hitting milestones like your first day of kindergarten, and at the time, they felt so far away.  Some days, the hard days, those big milestones couldn't come fast enough, but every time we'd find ourselves on the other end of one of them, we'd miss those days as fast as we watched them go.  It was in these moments I started to learn the unexplained juxtaposition of being a mom.  I could feel indescribable love and at my wit's end at the very same time.  I could be so excited to watch you grow and learn and hit big milestones, but feel my heart ache in response.  I had dreams of watching you fly, but longed to keep you in this bubble of mine for as long as I could.

And now, just like that, we're here.  Your first day of kindergarten.  You've been ready for kindergarten for awhile, a daycare kid who's been walking in lines, rotating in centers, and learning the ropes of recess since you were two, yet the weight of today has hit me in ways I wasn't quite expecting.  For the first time, it seems like our bubble is about to pop.  Especially when drop-off instructions tell me I'm supposed to leave you at the front entrance instead of walk you to your classroom!  Sometimes, it feels like the bubble has popped and other times it feels like I'm sending you straight to the wolves!  Will you know where to go?  Will you make friends?  Will you listen to your teacher?  Will you be able to find your snack in the front pocket of your backpack?  Will you be able to carry your own tray in the lunchroom?  Deep down I know you'll do fine, but I'm not sure my heart will. 

You have always been the most nonchalant boy, but lately you've been showing me there's a lot more under there than what you sometimes let on.  I can't talk about you getting big without your jaw tightening up and your eyes filling with tears.  The other night, I had my computer out and was showing you old blog posts of when you were little.  I came across a video I had made after I found out Mila was a girl, featuring a sweet little Cruz opening a box with a pink balloon.  As we watched the video and listened to the song, at one point I commented, "look at how happy you and Mila made me."  And as I looked over at you to see a tear running down your cheek, you responded, "and now I have happy tears."  There we sat together on the couch, in that familiar bubble, feeling happy and sad at the same time. 

The older I get and the longer I do this parenting thing, the more I let myself truly live in these moments.  For these are the ones that reveal the deepest kind of love.  Or as I explained it to Cruz - the Inside Out moments.  The ones when you feel all sorts of things, when the control panel is all over the place and those little emoticons are vying to take the lead.  They're the glass balls that get stored in the longterm memory vault, the ones that show us love and become part of our story.  A story I can't wait to watch unfold.

Cruz, I want you to have the best day today.  I want you to explore your new classroom and get to know your wonderful teacher and make a few new friends.  I want you to listen, and laugh, and learn something brand new.  I want you to be kind, be brave, and be just how God made you to be.  God's spirit fills your heart and he will empower you to do wonderful things this year.  And I cannot wait to have a front row seat to it all.

Happy first day of kindergarten, Cruz.  Is it 1:50 yet? :)  

"I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources He will empower you with inner strength through His spirit.  Then Christ will make his home in your heart as you trust in Him.  Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong.  And you may have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is.  May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand it fully.  Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God."

Ephesians 3:16-19

                  

on the iphone...

In honor of the back-to-school nesting that's happening at our house right now, I might as well add the iphone to the mix.  Nothing is safe in this house!  The fridge got a good cleaning this weekend and is fully stocked with a hefty Sam's Club and Hy-Vee grocery run, laundry is caught up for the first time since vacation, Cruz's school bag is packed, and meals are prepped for the week.  I even reorganized our DVR playlist!  While it's hard to wash those swimsuits and put them away in drawers for what might be the last time, there's something pretty refreshing about cleaning out the hen house and preparing for a new season.  These chilly nights with the windows open has got me all anxious for fall.  Just as long as I don't let my mind go back to those lazy days at the swimming pool, I'm ready. :)

Lots of catching up on the blog to do.  Starting with what's been on my iPhone...

Made this pretty thing one afternoon after returning from vacation (and why I'm still doing laundry from vacation).  Maine is known as blueberry country and this was my attempt at bringing a little Maine to counter our post-vacation blues.  

Beau has been working late a lot lately, including a few Friday nights which is quite unusual for him.  This particular night, we made due with a movie night, complete with sleeping bags, Zootopia, and Papa John's delivery.  Beau hates it, I do not hate it, and I'm pleased to say the kids don't either!

Just another Four Queens stop after a swim at the Falls.  Always pink ice cream for Mila, a cookie dough snowstorm for Cruz, and a Reese's for Beau.  I'm the wild card, but their cherry doozy bars are a frequent winner!

Love those post-pool curls!

And one of my favorite sights of summer - this tan girl in her bed.  I soak up every afternoon I have the chance to carry her sleepy, sunscreen smelling body into her bed and tuck her in under her bed sheets.  I always linger in her room for awhile, watching her chest move up and down and brushing her wild hair out of her face.  I remember the same summers with Cruz, some of my favorite snapshots of this season. 

She finally sits still long enough for nail polish.  Especially if Sofia's on TV. :)

School shopping adventures, just me and my boy.  A tradition we will definitely make a priority as each summer comes to an end.

A new Bible study and fresh hydrangeas from our front steps.

Picnics on the back deck.  One of our favorite places to hang.

And fires on the patio in our pajamas.  The neighbor boys were running laps around the house, but Mila wanted a s'more.  In her moccasins, of course.

An impromptu movie on a rainy weekday morning.  We snuck in Starbursts and chocolate for our popcorn, and Mila sat still through the whole thing.

A day at Clear Lake on Gabe and Gina's pontoon.  And a sleepover to follow!

Scenes around the house...

The Cubs had such a great season.  Cruz got to play with his cousins and his good friend, Eli.  We had a small little team, and they were well-behaved, eager to play, and pretty good.  Minus a few pileups attempting to get the ball, that is. :)

We had a fun day at the splash pad in Waterloo during a steamy day in August.  It was a nice change of scenery for them (and me!).  

Being silly in mom and dad's bed...

Mila came down with a quick bug a few weeks ago, and it zapped her for the better part of the morning hours.  We sat on the couch together most of the morning and she finally just went to sleep.  I knew something was off and wanted her wild, spunky self back.

Beau and I enjoyed a fun date night on a beautiful night in August.  We had dinner and cherry mules on the outdoor patio at Cherry Creek Grill, before heading to Luna to see Brad and Kate, two of our favorite worship leaders at church, sing outside.  We ran into Taylor and Kate, found a table for four, and had a blast together.  We loved the atmosphere back here, a sweet little hideaway that made us feel like we were in a bigger city instead of the downtown we know so well.

Camping selfies!

My birthday morning at the farmer's market.  No filter needed here!

Loved spending my birthday at Stem and Stein in Waterloo with some of my favorite people.  The weather couldn't have been better, we tried Basal pizza for the first time, and ended the night with a fire and drinks at our house.  No better way to start a new year of life!

With cupcakes to follow, of course!

Had so much fun preparing a pretty table and spread for our seventh If:Table.  Once again blessed with a beautiful summer night, we gathered under the pretty lights to share a meal and reconnect together.

Cheese and sangria are a surefire way to welcome people to your home and encourage them to stay awhile!

Tomatillos for the win!  

Did a little local shopping on my own one morning and put together an arrangement for my dining table.

Some post-bath green bean snipping before bed.  An unplanned, sweet moment Beau caught on camera for us.

She's been wearing these fake glasses lately, and we think she looks pretty cute in them.

We call these her J. Lo shades.  "I'm still, I'm still Mila from the block."

Our last trip to the pool.  See you next year, blue sno-cones and torpedo diving sticks!

34/52

"a portrait of each of my children, once each week, in 2016"

Cruz: We hit the end of an era this week.  Your last day of daycare, and first day of KINDERGARTEN.  In typical Cruz fashion, you are extremely relaxed about the whole thing, excited to meet new friends and explore a new classroom.  I, on the other hand, have already been emotional about this one.  Saying goodbye to Mrs. W, friends you have known since you were in diapers, and sending you into this new chapter of continued independence and opportunity makes my heart break and soar at the same time.  

Mila: With all these boys in our neighborhood, one would think you would get lost in the shuffle.  But not Mila.  You seem to be the leader of the pack out there, strutting around in your plastic Cinderella shoes, pushing your baby carriage from one driveway to the next, calling the shots and seemingly getting all the boys wrapped around your finger.  

33/52

"a portrait of each of my children, once each week, in 2016"

Cruz: It's been fun to watch the vast improvement Cruz has shown on the field from last season to this one.  While it might not be as comical to watch as last year, it's been fun to cheer him on as he's made some big hits and even big catches.  He got to play first this night and helped his team make a couple of nice plays.  Or as Beau put it, "they almost had an out!"

Mila: My water girl.  While I've noticed many kids her age are still quite timid in the water, Mila runs straight through the sprinklers at full speed, and loves to run from the side and jump in...and the faster, the better!  She has absolute trust that I am going to catch her, one of those innocent, untainted qualities of being a child that I love.  Boy am I going to miss these afternoons in the water.    

Camping Adventures

“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms.” 

-Thoreau, Walden

 

 

  

 

 

Last weekend, we found ourselves with a clean slate, one of our last open weekends for the foreseeable future.  My first thought was to stay planted at home, for a weekend around here to clean the garage and finally get caught up on Mt. Laundry sounded pretty tempting.  But also pretty boring.  With a fading summer and a new season on the horizon, I craved one last summer adventure and more importantly, one last opportunity to break away from routine, obligation, and my ever growing to-do list and to search for simple in the woods.  
 

Cruz has been asking to go camping all summer.  We aren't what I would consider campers (we have a brand new, very nice four-person tent we received for our wedding that has yet to be used if that tells you anything), but I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a mad crush on the idea of becoming campers.  There is something wildly romantic and adventurous about breaking away from the comforts of home, stripping down to the bare essentials, and escaping reality for a slower and simpler pace.  And since cozy is my favorite word in the English dictionary, my mind was a Pinterest board of red flannel blankets wrapped around our shoulders, board games under a starry sky, a percolator of coffee and a morning walk in the woods, and of course, sleeping in a pile together.
 

  
So early Saturday morning, with a picture perfect weekend forecast, we packed the car to the brim and headed to Spook Cave in Northeast Iowa.  We laughed that our was car as full for our two day adventure as it was for our 22-hour drive and ten day trip to Maine, but I had no idea what we needed or what to expect, so I just kept packing.  We had sleeping bags and fishing poles, campfire chairs and a dutch oven, and a cooler of just about anything I could think that could be cooked over a fire.  The kids watched a movie and Beau and I drank coffee and enjoyed conversation on the way there, thankful for a less than two hour drive for this trip.  

I have grown up traveling to Northeast Iowa as the leaves change every fall, but have never stopped at Spook Cave in McGregor.  And although I'm not too familiar with the qualities of a great campground, we were initially very impressed with this place.  The big playground attracted the kids from the moment we parked the car, Beau eyed the natural trout stream that weaved its way through the property, and I loved the whole atmosphere.  Lots of people doing a whole lot of nothing in the sunshine.  Life was good until we pulled up to our campsite and the kids stepped in a mud hole...

Okay, so maybe it wasn't a mud hold, but it definitely did not fit my vision of where we'd set up camp for the weekend.  Apparently, McGregor had a lot of rain the day before and our particular campsite washes out with a big rainstorm.  There wasn't a big patch of grass like many of the other sites we drove by, no tree for shade, and no place to spread out a blanket without making a mess of it.  Both Beau and I decided it was just not going to work and I went to the clubhouse to see about reserving another spot.  That is, until she informed me they were booked.  So, of the ten spots that were open the day before when I called, they had since all booked up.  And as luck would have it, the one I reserved looked to be in about the worst shape.  With a car loaded, two hungry kids, and two inexperienced and frustrated parents, I was starting to rethink this camping thing.  It even crossed our minds to get in the car, drive home, and camp in the backyard.  Boy am I glad we stuck it out!

After a few friendly negotiations with the campground hosts, we kept our tent in the car and traded it in for a set of keys to Lakeview Cabin 1 at the very edge of the campground.  At first we were a little bummed we wouldn't be sleeping in a tent after all, but after using the bathroom, storing our cold food in the fridge, and seeing how excited the kids were with the bunk bed situation, we got over it pretty fast!  Maybe we are cabin campers after all... :)
 

What started as a little dicey, ended up being my favorite weekend of summer, hands down.  We had our own little neck of the woods, complete with a front porch and rocking chairs, a fire pit and grill, and a kitty Cruz affectionately named, Scramble.  The campground had everything we needed, like no wi-fi, a lake with a beach for fishing and swimming, and plenty of Sea Dog Wild Blueberry.  The day moved about slowly.  We drank beers and caught little blue gill while the kids built sand castles and swam in the lake, we toured Spook Cave, much to Cruz's despair, and pushed the kids on the tire swing before finding our own solace on the bench swing right next to the playground.  The pace of camp life was noticeably slower and quieter, and Beau and I both breathed in that fresh air feeling so content and happy.   
 

While we caved and slept like babies in the beds in our cabin, we committed to cooking all of our food by campfire, regardless of how tempting it was to preheat that oven.  We roasted hot dogs by the fire and topped them with campfire macaroni and cheese I had prepared prior to leaving, experimented with peanut butter and fudge-striped cookie s'mores, and had scrambled eggs, sausage, and peppers in the dutch oven Sunday morning.  We found success with cinnamon rolls stuffed in hollowed out orange peels, and after two failed attempts with the percolator, finally succeeded with a pot of hot coffee, the best coffee Beau and I had sipped in a long time.
 

  
It was all the small details of our little getaway that stood out to me the most.  Most likely, because I was all there to notice them.  I loved feeling the temperature drop as the sun went down, changing the kids out of their swim gear and into cozy knits and sweatpants.  I loved sipping coffee out of our Mumford and Sons tin mugs.  I loved watching the kids interact with nature, Cruz's fascination with the fire just like his dad, and Mila's love for campfire food and kitty friends.  Camping looked good on our little wild woman, her hair curly from her lake swim, looking so snuggly in her sweats and knitted sweater.  We said yes to one more s'more, played Sorry under a star-filled sky, and tucked the kids in their cabin beds with the windows open and the sound of crickets as their lullaby.  And then, I sat by the fire with Beau, where we played games of Cribbage, talked about life, and both decided this camping life was a pretty great life.  And that sky.  I'm not sure I've ever seen a sky with that many stars. 
 

  

  
Waking up Sunday morning was probably my favorite part of the weekend.  The fresh air did Mila in the night before and she slept well past eight that morning.  After a good snuggle with her, I wrapped up in my favorite blanket and met the boys outside for a breakfast fire.  Beau started experimenting with the percolator, and Cruz and I enjoyed a rare hour or so of uninterrupted time while sister slept.  We laughed about how scary Spook Cave was to him, how we asked the guide if we could get a speedboat to take us out of there, and debated whether we should get a pet or not.  With as much as Scramble seemed to admire our family, we started to think maybe we were pet people.
 

Or maybe Mila just fed him an awful lot of hot dogs and bacon.
 

We packed up camp and headed home around lunchtime Sunday, just in time for Olympic gymnastics, fresh baths, and clean sheets.  Like always, it was good to be home and good to sleep in our beds, but I've been dreaming of camp life many days since.  I crave a life of quiet, connection, and peace, and I found it there in the woods, with a tin mug of coffee and a blanket of stars above me.