I took a break from my usual fiction read last week during our afternoon quiet time to listen to Annie Downs' podcast series called, EnneaSummer 2019, where she spends one podcast a week focusing on each of the nine enneagram types and interviewing a man and woman who most identify with that type. If you aren't familiar with enneagram, it is similar to a strengths-finder, personality-type test that supposedly has ancient roots and can help you better understand the core motivations and core fears that most influence your personality, the way you make decisions, and the ways you interact with others in the world around you. It's recently taken hold in the Christian community after books like The Road Back to You was published and various pastors and authors (including Annie Downs) have used it as a way to gain a deeper understanding of themselves and others.
I tend to be a bit of skeptic when it comes to things like this, but have found enneagram to be quite fascinating, especially when it comes to identifying the core motivations and the core fears that can often turn into not-so-healthy moves if I'm not aware and intentional about it. I have taken the test twice and both times have proven to be a Type 3, aka, the Achiever, which won't be a surprise to anyone who knows me or has read this blog through the years! A 3s motivation is to achieve, to be worthwhile, or admired by others, and a core fear of the 3 is to fail, to be incompetent, or unadmired. A few other traits of a 3 that had me nodding my head include the following...
-Goals, to do lists, etc. are very important to 3s. They are always moving to the next thing, though, and struggle to rest in the here and now.
-3s are good at precision, detail, and getting stuff done!
-3s are good connectors, good with people, and often have some "woo". It also said we are good at reading a room and can often "shape shift" to best fit in with our surroundings.
-Feedback is hard for 3s. So is not feeling seen or truly known.
-People often assume we are fine, successful, etc. because that is how we want to be perceived.
I finished listening to the podcast that day and felt exposed, a little ashamed of some of my flaws, and even more motivated to know myself so that I can live as the best version of myself. I think that's the whole purpose of enneagram. Every type has strong attributes, as well as not-so-glamorous traits that can surface in unhealthy ways. Just like people. So the more you know yourself, the more you know how to keep the rough edges smoothed out and live the healthiest, happiest version of the unique and beautiful way God made you.
Of all the things I most connected with, the need to just be stood out the most. Annie Downs said herself that she feels most sorry for 3s because they struggle to rest. Instead of getting a good job done and finding joy in it, we 3s are on to the next thing. And then there's the need to perform. One of the interviewers said that even when he's playing with his kids, throwing them on the bed or chasing them around the house, he's checking boxes and thinking he is winning at being a dad. That struggle to check boxes and be successful at something while letting it all go and just resting deeply in it all is definitely something I think about often. And I've found the summertime, when my plate is less full and I'm in front of my kids a lot more often, is the perfect place to practice.
I also found it pretty assuring that both interviewers mentioned that practicing gratitude is a really worthwhile practice for a 3, and anyone! A daily practice of noticing the small moments that sparked joy is something I have routinely done for a long time now and the process itself is a reward. There is good in every day, even the hard ones, and collecting a piggy bank of those moments is a long term investment in a life well lived. Even for a 3. ;)
Lots of good things from our summer...
807. Cruz's spring piano recital. He practiced his pieces, especially one entitled, Cats! over and over again for about a month leading up to his recital, and we were all singing it in our sleep (and performing expressively!) by the time he got to perform it. He did a wonderful job and we celebrated with pizza outside at Mulligans to follow.
808. Mila's newfound love of trucker hats, chunky sweaters, and pumping on her swing all by herself.
810. Shared VBS pickups with the Gabels and driveway hangs and trampoline jumps to follow.
811. New blooms in the garden - pink peonies, lavender, and sunshine daisies.
812. Our first kayak trip of the summer. Beau and I had just returned from glamping in Decorah and it was too nice of a night to not be outside with the kids. We took them out to George Wyth, the kids tried to teach us the words to Old Town Road, and we ended our up on the beach where they showed no qualms with the cold water!
813. Another fun Saturday at George Wyth. We ate Twizzlers and listened to Alabama on the kayaks, watched the kids live their best lives together in the lake, then went home to shower and go out on the town for a family date night. We went to Wilbos and at first our night was not going well. It was really busy, I forgot UNO at home, and Mila accidentally spilled her milkshake everywhere. But instead of letting it all go, we googled family trivial pursuit on our phone and even got the waitresses involved in our fun. We recovered well, sometimes hard for me to do when plans go awry, and I told Beau it felt like we were on vacation instead of in our own downtown.
814. Mila's new hammock chair and her first afternoon nap in it.
815. Drawers of summer pajamas, sleeping in past 9, and Mila's newfound discovery of the sleep mask.
816. Summer routines and putting them to work around the house. Sam Cooke singing to us while we sliced grapes for the freezer and fresh dill for a jar of ranch dressing. Listening to the kids giggle together during a game of Chutes and Ladders while I clean the kitchen. Orange and bergamot in the diffuser and Magnatile castles fit for tiny princesses and Star Wars figurines.
817. Cloudy and cool weekdays spent in the pages of a good book. Reading in Mila's room, then sneaking in to check on Cruz and join him under his covers. Our second Harry Potter book complete, and plans to watch the movie under the stars soon.
818. Five straight hours outside on a picture perfect June day. We picnicked, went on a nature hunt under the green canopy of trees at Hartman, and felt the 68 degree summer breeze on our faces. Then I laid a quilt under our little patch of shade in our backyard, and we ate freezy pops and read our books. It was one of my favorite afternoons with my favorite sidekicks.
819. Coffee shop hangs with Mila while Cruz played football in the UNI-Dome last week. It was another cool and cloudy summer morning and we had hot cocoa, colored pictures with gel pens, and played Connect 4 together to pass the time. One-on-one dates are my favorite.
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