Wednesday, January 8, 2014

letter to my firstborn...

Dear Cruz...

The holidays are over and we have just spent the better part of the last two weeks enjoying you.  We were busy over Christmas, but it has commenced and the past week has been spent exactly the way it's needed to.  Daddy took a few days off work, we've stayed in pajamas most days, made pancakes for breakfast, played with all your new toys, and lingered on every hug, every look, every funny thing you've said with a whole new awareness that soon it's going to be different.  See, the baby sister we've been telling you about, the one growing in my tummy, is about to come out and join our family.  You are just days away from being that big brother we've been coaching you about since this spring.  And while I have no doubt that you will slip into your new shoes as naturally as you have with most big transitions in your life, your mama wants you to know that it feels different this time around.  

For three years, you have been the center of our universe.  And soon, we will see that universe expand to include a little sister we are so excited about.  And while I know without a doubt she will introduce all three of us to even more love than we dreamed possible, I know there will be days when I feel guilty about not being able to provide the same kind of attention I could give you before.  It is these times I want you to know how much we love you and how important you are to us.   

It's been so special sharing this pregnancy with you.  You've been so sweet to me, asking "is the baby hurting you?" when I ask you to hold my hand instead of carry you, or the way you reach over and gently rub my belly every so often, asking "is the baby in there, mommy?"  Our early mornings in our bed have been my favorite part of the last few weeks.  Lately, your daddy and I have been quick to bring you to bed with us, snuggling up close with you in the middle, remembering you as a baby and soaking up these last few days of just you.

This morning, you came with me to my 38 week doctor's appointment and were so excited to be along.  On the way home, you fell asleep in the car and I decided to cuddle with you in the chair hoping you would fall back asleep.  You cradled my side with your head on my chest and your arm resting across your sister.  We rocked and I watched your eyelids fall heavy.  Just as you drifted back to sleep, your sister stretched her limbs and kicked you right in the side!  You immediately sat up and asked, "Is that your baby?"  It was such a sweet moment I won't forget, although after that, you weren't interested in falling back asleep!       

I am so excited to watch you be a big brother.  I get misty eyed when I think about how I'll feel when I see you walk into that hospital room and see your sis for the first time.  She is going to love you as much as we do. 

Thanks for making me a mama and making the decision to have another baby so easy for us.  You are a better version of your daddy and me and although it sounds weird to say, I know you will continue to teach us how to make this thing work just as you have always been our best teacher.  We have so much to learn and have learned so much from you.  

You are about to be a big brother and this little girl has no idea how blessed she is.  We are so proud of you.  




  1. You brought tears to my eyes.....these are the exact same feelings that I had when William was about to be born. I could not imagine loving anyone else as much as I love my Sammy Boy. I remember watching him sleep in his bed the morning we left for the hospital. I stood there crying as I wondered how his life was going to be so different that a good way.However, the love of your heart will not be divided, it only multiplies. God has a mysterious way of making sure that all of His children are loved and cared for equally. He will show you how to do that, and I have no doubt that you will see His work the first day that you meet her....and you see Cruz with her for the first time. That will be a tearful, joyful moment. Can't wait to meet her!

  2. Oh Ashley, that made me cry. That is so beautiful and will mean so much to Cruz when he is able to read that and see all the love in it! He will be an awesome big brother, I can just see it already!!!! Love you, Grandma



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