A 35th Birthday Reflection Thanks to Toy Story 4

written on my 35th birthday - Tuesday, August 13

Monday was one of the first really good rainy days we’ve had in a month.  And as much as I have loved these sunny days of summer, they spark what a friend referred to as “indoor guilt.”  I feel like I have to be outside when it’s nice out, have to be doing something to enjoy the sunshine and warm summer sun while it’s here.  But if I’m being honest, I love me an all-day rain.  It’s my chance to be at home, to light candles and make things cozy, and skip through puddles to a movie theater seat on a Monday afternoon before school starts. 

I’m pretty sure we were the only people on this side of the Mississippi who hadn’t seen Toy Story 4 yet, but I find it pretty fitting but that we just so happened to see it on the eve of my 35^th birthday.  And who would have guessed that Woody and Bo Peep and that funny little Forky would have given me so much to think about as I’m gear up to start another year well.  While I knew the storyline would likely strike a chord with us as Bonnie was about to transition to kindergarten, I didn’t expect me to get so much out of it, too.  Leave it to Disney to teach me everything I need to know about life.

"Be who you are right now."  -Bo Peep

There is the wonderful part when Bo Peep is trying to convince Duke Caboom to just be himself.  To not be like the other Duke Cabooms who fly through the air, but to be the best crashing Duke Caboom there ever was.  And to be proud of it.

It’s taken me all of 35 years to understand the importance of investing in knowing my true self, not the version I think I need to be to keep up in this wild world.  I used to think I was living my best and most favorite years when I was in my twenties, but I laugh (and shudder about the early twenties!) to think back to them now.  So much proving, so much performing, so many short skirts and tube tops.  And then there were those sweet years of babies, of no sleep and lots of washing bottles and little time for me because I just wanted to be wrapped up in them.  But God has had me on a journey the past few years and there has been so much growth, so much awareness, so much wisdom.  And sometimes it all feels harder, like my heart is wide open, but I am 100% confident it’s only led to a more healthy, whole, happier version of myself.  God has put the word “known” on my heart recently, a term thrown around in Christian circles that has always left me a little unsure of exactly what it means or how it feels to be known.  But He’s opened me up to it lately, and just how important it is to truly know my authentic self, to delight in a Father who made me this way on purpose, and to know and nurture the unique, authentic selves of my kids.  At our deepest core, we just want to be known and seen and loved for just who we are. 

So this is my hope for my 35^th year – to just be me, to lean into the ridiculous grace of being fully known by a loving father, to be grateful for the people in my life who give me such pictures of what that looks like, and to seek to truly know others and love them well.  God has such a rich, purposeful life in store for each of us, but we’re often so busy chasing the world’s way, or walking around with so many masks on that we fail to see our life through the unique and beautiful lens He’s given us.  I want to stand on the top of this merry-go-round called life and see it all with a twinkle in my eye.  Just like Woody and Bo Peep.   

“But you, O Lord, know me; you see me, and test my heart toward you.” (Jeremiah 12:3)

Some gifts from my 35th birthday...

-Some back-to-school nesting around the house.  A new mirror in our bedroom, some cozy lamp light, and an inviting place to end our nights as we get ready to start another school year.  

-Fresh spaghetti sauce with garden tomatoes slow cooking on the stove top, a set table, and a bottle of red wine.

-A game of Pictionary with the kids, Cruz's contagious laugh at his failed attempts to draw a "horn" and "ice", and a preview of all the fall things to come.

-A great spin ride to start my 35th year.  Followed by the rest of a chocolate chip cookie dough cupcake from Scratch for breakfast. ;)

-The most treasured Voxers from Kate throughout my birthday, complete with "35 reasons to celebrate Ashley."  What a treasured gift her friendship is.  

-Cruz's handsome smiling face through the front window as I sat on the porch.  The continued blessing of a few more slow mornings before school starts.

-The family of geese that flew so low over the house I could hear their wings flutter.

-Mila's joy when she came out of her room and wished me a Happy Birthday.  And then she followed it up with, "Is it going to be sunny today?"  She my daughter!

-Beau's decision to take the day off for my birthday.  His amazing build-your-own loaded hashbrowns for breakfast, complete with a candle stuck in my potatoes. :)

-Saying yes to the tall red slide at Lost Island, letting Mila pull me right under the cold waterfall on the lazy river, the warm sunshine on my face.

-Inviting the kids along with us for a "fancy date night" at the Montage, complete with blackberry mojitos, build-your-own-pizzas, and chocolate souffle with four spoons.