Musings of a New Momma...

Sometimes I stare at my baby and can’t believe he is mine. This happens especially at night as I watch him sleep. I love watching him sleep. Watching his little chest rise and fall with every little baby breath he takes. The way he snuggles in as close as he can and finds just the right position against me. The little sucks of air he takes as he swallows, and the deep breath he takes when he’s decided he’s finished eating. These little moments we have together are the purest form of love I’ve ever felt in my life.

We’ve had a good first week at home. Cruz is a good baby, and has already begun to fall into a schedule with feedings, making it easier for mommy to get some sleep. The last two nights, he’s woken up about every three to four hours to eat. It’s so funny how the little things, like taking a shower, throwing in a load of laundry, or making lunch, have now become my significant accomplishments of each day. Today was the first morning Beau would not be at home when I showered. I stewed and stewed about this last night, worried I wouldn’t have time to take a shower before one of my colleagues stopped by in the morning. I talked strategy with Mom, attempted to plan Cruz’s feedings around this, and made sure Beau taught me how to work our baby monitor. At 7 o’clock this morning, as Beau got ready for work, I watched The Today Show and fed a hungry Cruz. Three and a half hours later, I had showered, done my makeup, taken out the trash, made the bed, picked up the house, and soaked a load of baby clothes, all while my little man took a morning nap in his crib. Three weeks ago, that would have been an easy morning’s feat. Today, I felt like Superwoman (who desperately needed a nap).

Every day, it seems Cruz is picking up on more and more of the world around him, becoming more alert, spending more time looking around, and more time listening to the sounds around him. This morning, he listened to his Grandma Kelly talk to him for about an hour. This afternoon, he sat in his boppy pillow and I talked to him about his first week at home.  He spends a good chunk of every afternoon either chilling in his bouncy seat, or lounging in his boppy, just taking in his surroundings.  I don't know if he can quite make out our faces yet, but he's getting close.   

A couple nights ago, I discovered Cruz’s secret sleeping weapon…a Halo swaddle blanket, aka, baby straight jacket. Cruz is one happy baby when he is toasty warm (probably one of the reasons he despises having his diaper changed), and the tighter he is swaddled, the longer he sleeps.  Although he loves being wrapped up tight at night, he loves sleeping with both arms up by his face during the day. Beau says he’s working on his antlers. He also loves sleeping in his crib; besides our bed or someone’s arms, it’s his favorite place to sleep. I love peeking in his room while he’s sleeping, I sometimes wish I could climb in there and snuggle up next to him! It looks so cozy!

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, when it seems Cruz and I are the only two people up in a sleeping world, I curl up with him in his room, put on one of the lullaby CDs I made before he was born, and rock him extra long. One song, Lullaby, by the Dixie Chicks always leaves me in tears. It speaks of the love and protectiveness I already feel for my baby.  Beau likes it too, and I often catch glimpses of him singing it to Cruz from the other room. 

Lullaby

They didn't have you where I come from
Never knew the best was yet to come
Life began when I saw your face
And I hear your laugh like a serenade

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

I slip in bed when you're asleep
To hold you close and feel your breath on me
Tomorrow there'll be so much to do
So tonight I'll drift in a dream with you

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

As you wander through this troubled world
In search of all things beautiful
You can close your eyes when you're miles away
And hear my voice like a serenade

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough, is forever enough
How long do you want to be loved
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up
Is forever enough
Cause I'm never, never giving you up

Looking forward to a weekend at home with Cruz.  I'm seeing a morning of PJs, cozy blankets, and snuggling in my future...

Happy weekend!