Friday, December 10, 2010

Dear Cruz...

It's almost been a year since I found out I was pregnant.  We celebrated Christmas and said goodbye to 2009 with much anticipation for 2010.  A new year, a new decade, and new beginnings in store for Beau and I as a couple.  I had a feeling I would become pregnant sometime in 2010; however, I never guessed I'd have a baby to help us celebrate this Christmas.  It's amazing to look back year after year, to mark all the changes that exist, and reflect on where we've been, how we've grown, and where we're going.  And as I look back at 2010, I've never encountered a year quite like this one.  The year that made me a mother, the year that brought me you.

While I was pregnant, I wrote a single letter to you each week.  I wrote letters about the foods I craved, the places we explored, and the milestones I marked throughout my pregnancy...the first time I felt you move, the day we found out you were a little boy, and the long, unsettled, impatience that grew within me as I became 'overdue.'  Those letters were a way for me to feel connected to you and I hope they will someday serve as a keepsake for you and me.  Now, you are here, almost nine weeks old, and I haven't written you a letter since you were born.  I have so much I want to say, yet, some things are hard to put into words. 

I am officially 2/3 of the way through my maternity leave.  Our days together at home are numbered and it makes me a bit sick to think about.  I know that I can't stay home forever and that it will be nice to get into some sort of a routine again, yet, there is nothing better than wrapping you in a blanket and curling up in the lazy boy.  I will miss our days at home so much, mainly because I don't want to miss out on anything with you.  You grow and pick up on more every day.  I can't even clean the bathroom while you're in the living room because I'm afraid I might miss something!  When you sleep, a part of me knows I should unload the dishwasher, make the bed, or start a load of wash, but a bigger part of me just wants to hold you!  It's a battle I'm already fighting and I know it will be an even bigger adjustment in January.  

But for now, it's about soaking up these days at home.  Soaking up the baby that you are because I know that all too soon, I will wonder where those days have gone.       

Here's what I'm loving lately...

-the way you suck on your hands when you get hungry and all the cute noises associated with it.  You get so intense about it!  Sometimes, especially in between burping and feeding, it's nearly impossible to pull your little fists away from your mouth! 

-the way your two little hands are constantly moving, seeking to discover the world around you. Whether it’s the sleeve of my sweater, the blanket underneath you, or the chain around my neck, you love touching things.

-all your noises. The heavy sighs you take after you’re done eating and relaxing on my lap, the squeaks of your pacifier, and especially, the songlike cooing you make from your blanket. It’s a noise that makes me smile every single time.

-mornings.  Especially now that you (and your mom and dad) are getting a good night's sleep.  Your room is about five degrees warmer than the rest of the house.  I love those first few noises you make in the morning and how it takes you so long to open your eyes.  I love the first time I grab you out of your crib, how you snuggle in close, followed by the first few smiles when I put you on your changing table.

-moments when you fall asleep unexpectedly. Lately, you like being held where you can face the world around you. After you ate this afternoon, I sat you on my lap and started typing this blog. Before I knew it, the pacifier fell out of your mouth, followed by heavy, sleepy breathing. You were sound asleep! The other day, I was giving the bathroom a much needed clean and you were hanging out on your blanket in the living room, talking up a storm. Pretty soon, it got quiet. When I went to check on you, you were sleeping, still sucking on a pacifier that had fallen out minutes before.

-the way you study my face so intently as I talk or sing to you. 

-your many facial expressions and stretches upon waking up in the morning. You always stretch with both arms high above your head.

-smiles! From the small, shy ones, to the big, open-mouthed ones!

-sleeping all night!  You are such a good sleeper and like your mama, you like your routines!  Let's keep this up little man! 

You are the light of our life and you bring us so much happiness!  



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