These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.
(written after my 12-week ultrasound - July 2013) For twelve weeks, I have wondered about you. Prayed that you were growing healthy and strong. Anticipated who you will be and what you will look like. And sometimes, nervously hoped you were even there, almost holding my breath for fear that thoughts of carrying another baby would slip away. I've learned a lot this year and above all I think I've come to my own realization that you can't take anything for granted. That sometimes, babies don't come as easy as you originally planned and that in those times, God is revealing Himself in a way that is less obvious, but more beautiful, reassuring us with His power and grace. And today, in that tiny dimly lit ultrasound room, I saw His grace on a tiny little screen with my family curled up next to me.
There you were, two inches of perfect, with your little hands tucked up by your face, just waiting to show us your presence. It was as if you knew the three of us were there watching you and for a second, I longed for you to be there physically instead of behind that screen. In an instant, you fit in so perfect with us and it all became so real. Your heartbeat was strong, you measured just a little under my original due date, and the ultrasound tech commented on how cute you were. It's as if this whole long year of waiting brought us right there to that little moment with you. There are few moments in a lifetime when you get to hear your baby's heartbeat for the first time and it is tucked away with some of the best moments of my life.
God didn't promise us this life would be easy. In fact, he promised at times it would be hard. But above all, He seeks to fill our lives with more joy that we can imagine, as long as we know when to receive it.
This day was full of much joy for our family, and I look forward to more doctors' appointments, a growing belly, and all the tiny preparations that will bring us closer to you.
Thanks for being such a sweetie on that ultrasound screen today. I am already so proud of you and love you more than you will ever know.
P.S. Your big brother was a hoot at the doctor today. When I climbed off the big table after hearing your heartbeat, he asked if it was his turn, and in the ultrasound room, after the tech. squeezed the gel on my belly, he started rubbing his tummy saying, "mmm...me like jelly. Yummy..."
Your first picture together...:)