Thursday, July 29, 2010

Dear Baby J...

Dear Baby...

Congrats on dominating Month 7!  You are one big boy in there; almost up to your total birth length by now, and working hard to gain weight.  For some reason, I feel like you are going to be a tank.  Your daddy and mommy were both around 7 pounds, so I'm hoping you don't exceed much more than that.  It's pretty amazing to actually feel you getting bigger in there.  I know you are starting to run out of room.  I know this because I'm starting to feel body parts pushing into places I never expected.  It's an insane feeling and I'm not going to lie, a little uncomfortable at times.  I'd ask you to kindly remove your foot from my ribs; however, I am aware that you are indeed a boy, and that boys sometimes have a difficult time taking direction from others, especially women.  Although this foot of yours takes my breath away every now and then (and I'm not talking the 'Top Gun' type), I realize you are just as, if not more, uncomfortable as your momma and I would much rather have you moving and kicking than not.  Yesterday, I hardly felt you move and that, combined with crazy pregnancy hormones, was enough to make me go a little crazy. 

Speaking of crazy pregnancy hormones, my mind has been a little all over the place this week.  After an incredibly relaxing Sunday at home in the hammock, my week should have been set.  But with three weeks until I greet my students for another school year and about nine weeks until I meet YOU, I was feeling anything but relaxed.  Can you believe my 'What to Expect' book actually recommends I start packing my hospital stay bag?!?!  What on earth do I need at the hospital?  How do I find you a pediatrician?  How do I find a longterm sub?  What on earth are disposable underwear?  Questions like these flooded my brain this week and caused less than ideal sleep patterns.

The good news is, I usually need a night or two of feeling slightly 'ill-prepared' before I feel better about where I'm at.  I realize that no book or checklist can truly prepare me for what is to come in that hospital room.  I realize that it is completely out of my control as to when and how you decide to make your presence in this world.  I realize that even if I write the best checklist in the world, I will still forget something.  I just hope it's not my camera...

The truth is, I've never felt so 'unprepared' in my life, yet, I'm strikingly okay with that.  I actually welcome it.  The unknowns of motherhood and parenthood are sure to be an adventure, and I can already tell it is going to be the best ride of my life.  As for all of those 'unknowns' out there, I have the history of millions of women who have delivered babies in far less-appealing situations than I will have.  I have the support of a husband who's 'coming around' to the thoughts and images of a delivery room.  And, I have the faith of a Father, whose been in the driver's seat of this miracle I refer to as 'Baby J,' since January 30, 2010.  That's a lot riding on my side, I'd say ;)

So, as I search for the perfect valence for your room, and the perfect nightgown for my hospital stay, I continue to grow into these new shoes of mine.  No, they aren't the finest pair of Jimmy Choo stilettos, but I find myself fitting into them a little better every day.  


Your 'ill-prepared' momma      

Either Beau is pointing you out in this picture, or pointing to my belly button, which is enjoying its last days of being an 'innie.'  

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