For 36 weeks, I have been writing letters to you, an obscure little life-form that's hardly seemed real at all. I started writing when you were the size of an apple seed, attempting to wrap my mind around the miracle that was beginning to form inside of me. I've wrote to you in the middle of a hospital waiting room, during the middle of a flash flood, and on the couch at 3:00 in the morning. These letters have helped me sort through the incredibly complex nature of pregnancy, and have made me feel all the more closer to you.
And now, just four weeks shy of welcoming you into our lives forever, I'm feeling a little emotional that I'm almost finished writing these letters. What a bonding experience this has been for me. Every milestone, every appointment, and especially every kick has brought me closer to you. I am so thankful for you, so blessed that you are mine. You've taught me so much already...about letting go of the daily stresses of life and focusing on the simple things that bring us joy...about the grace of God and his blessings...and about the capacity of love I never knew was possible. It's amazing what I've learned from that sweet little chubby face on the ultrasound picture...I only hope I can teach you as much as you have taught me.
Today was our 36 week appointment. From now on, appointments start to get a lot more exciting. We start to see if I'm dialated, if you've made your way down the chute, and just how big you are going to be.
Although I've gained weight yet again, you measured small. Two weeks small. To be honest, I have trouble believing this since I feel like my tummy is the size of a blimp. And, since you are occupying most of that space, I guess I'm assuming you are going to be a baby buddha. But, once again, I don't have a whole lot to compare this too, so I trust my doctor and anxiously await another ultrasound next week. I love ultrasounds...they're a little window into your life, a peek of you contently waiting for your debut.
You were adorable once again...it may be true for every expectant mommy, but I always take little pieces, little memories away with me after every appointment. Today, you had the hiccups while the nurse tried to monitor your heartbeat. They were fast, strong, and loud, as usual, and distracted the nurse from calculating your heart. She managed to get it though and it was the lowest it's been so far...134. Your slower heart rate must not have much to do with your activity levels...you've been kicking harder and stronger than ever.
I've talked more about labor this week than ever before. I'm ready. I can hardly wait to hold you in my arms, to experience childbirth with your dad at my side, and to celebrate your arrival with our family and friends. I don't know when you are going to make your exit, but I trust that it will be when you are ready. I can't wait to see your smushed little face next week, to watch you move your little fingers, and get a better sense of just how big you are. Lots to look forward to you know. Lots to love.
I love you...