Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Is it weird...

Is it weird that I sometimes get sad thinking about not being pregnant? I can't wait to meet and hold my baby boy for the first time, but a part of me loves carrying him with me 24/7 . Being pregnant is like having a companion with you at every moment of your life. Like when I'm sitting at a faculty meeting, stressed, frustrated, bored, or whatever, I simply touch my tummy and am reminded that there are far greater things important in my life. Or when I'm sitting at church, singing to a hymn, it's such a cool thing to know there is a little life inside, listening to my often, off-key voice, figuring out his fingers and toes, and just being there. He's always there. As I drift off to sleep at night, he's usually punching or kicking my sides. As Beau and I go on our nightly walks in the neighborhood, he's right there with us. When I'm at the computer lab, trying to motivate myself to finish this MA paper, he's there too, motivating and encouraging me to just.keep.going. I like having him here; it gives me far greater purpose in life and it's quite impossible to feel loneliness.

Is it weird that I'm also not quite ready to give up this baby bump? I'm kind of fascinated with it. Not in one of those weird, I-wear-midriff-shirts-in-public or constantly-rub-my-belly-and-distract-those-around-me fascinations, but more so, for all the joys that come with a growing belly. Knowing I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want and no one can say anything otherwise. Knowing that everday, the crease between my chest and belly get more defined and pregnant-like. I'm looking forward to balancing a bowl of cereal on it. Knowing that for the first time in my life, I had to buy a Large bikini top. Now that's a change I've wanted for ten years!

Dressing has also been more fun than I was anticipating. My favorite is Liz Claiborne's Maternity Line at Target; however, I'm also finding that I can get by with regular clothes: empire waists, skirts with elastic waists, and airy summer dresses. Do I have days where I feel fat? Absolutely. But my body seems to be changing daily and most of the time, I'm embracing the change! Ask me in August, when I'm teaching in a non-air-conditioned building, and I might be ready to give up the bump!

Is it weird that I like doing laundry? The baby's laundry that is. Last week, I bought my first gallon of Dreft and decided to wash one load of Little J's new clothes. One load turned into an obsession and before I knew it, his dresser is beginning to fill up! The little white onesies are my favorite. They are so small and so soft, and now they smell so baby-like.

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