Dear Baby J

Sweet Baby,

Well...one week marks the end of my first trimester. This pregnancy so far has been a complete roller coaster of emotions, and looking ahead to the second trimester is no exception. See...your mommy is a planner and I work in lists. And when I think of being one-third through this pregnancy, that's a little scary. At times I feel like I'm still walking in some sort of a fairytale, and at times, I still feel like a little girl. I used to dream, all the time, about my life as a grown-up. A life, that, in reality, isn't a whole lot different than the life I get to live every day in the 'real.' Sometimes, however, I forget that this is 'the real,' and that I'm really going to have a baby to depend on me in 7 months.

When I was little, I had a 'baby' named Hannah. A Cabbage Patch 'baby.' She was evidence of the 'mommy' instinct deeply rooted in my genes thanks to my mom, grandma, and great-grandma. I took Hannah everywhere, dressing her in adorable outfits I'd buy from a booth at the UNI-Dome Craft Show. I'd push her in her stroller up and down Pfaltzgraff Street. I'd bring her to Wal-Mart, strapping her securely in the shopping cart, browsing in the baby aisles. Sometimes, I would even get lucky and have the chance to purchase a real, genuine, baby toy for Hannah. I had a written schedule for Hannah, including feeding times, naptime, walks, stories, and playtime. I even took Hannah to get her 'pictures' taken; I dressed her in my favorite outfits, posed her under trees, on blankets, and even in a clothes basket, and took pictures of her. Much to her mommy's surprise, she sat good and smiled sweetly for every. single. picture.

I can't believe I'm admitting this, but this baby that grew so dear to me, caused me to shop-lift. I was with Laci Miller, my neighbor play-buddy. We had ridden our bikes to the Allison Drug Store, babies on hips, in order to buy supplies for their birthday party. It was there, that a little pink pacifier caught my eye. Yes...my first (and only) shop-lifting experience was a baby pacifier. How pathetic. My conscience still gets the best of me for that one.

So...long story short...I will be a good mommy. Little did I know, those instincts I had with Hannah are now ripe in my mind as I prepare to do the real thing. The 'real' thing with you. It's going to be awesome.

I love you. You are the starting chapter of a really incredible story that is yet to be written. I will write, I will play, I will read stories, and yes, I will take lots of pictures.

But...of all the things I will do, there is one thing I will not.

I will never again shoplift...

...not even for you.